


If I Knew Then

by searchingwardrobes



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Childhood Friends, Chronic anxiety, Did I Mention Angst?, Drug Addiction, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Growing Up Together, Panic Attacks, Secrets, Slow Burn, Teenage Rebellion, because there will be so so much angst, church scandal, faith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searchingwardrobes/pseuds/searchingwardrobes
Summary: In the Arendelle family, Elsa is the "good daughter." In the Jones family, Liam is the "good son." With their younger siblings causing their parents such heartbreak, the last thing either of them wants to do is let everyone down. And if that means keeping secrets, they will. After all, the whole church - the whole town - is watching. As the years pass, Elsa and Liam become closer and the secrets become heavier. Will it all eventually tear them apart?Also some CS, and a lot of Killian.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> * This story has been tumbling around in my brain for the longest time. Everyone was irritated with Elsa and Liam in GBtBR, and some downright hated them! But I, the writer, knew their story. I know Frozen Jewel isn't the huge ship that Captain Swan is, but I had to write this. Maybe some people out there will enjoy it! I also thought this may lessen the sting of GBtBR coming down June 1st.  
> * The title comes from the song of the same name by Lady Antebellum.

**Fall 1996**

              Fourteen year old Elsa Arendelle stood in front of her full length mirror, tugging on the navy blue and white pleated skirt that only hit her mid-thigh. She tilted her head as she ran her hand over the white stitched letters that said “SHS” for Storybrooke High. Her hand shook slightly and she wet her lips nervously.

              Suddenly, the door burst open and her twelve year old sister Anna launched herself on Elsa’s bed, already talking a mile a minute. “Oh my God, you look so cute! You are _soooo_ lucky that you made varsity cheerleader as a freshman. I mean, how can you _not_ be popular showing up on the first day in your uniform?”

              Elsa glanced at her sister with a nervous smile. “I’m not so sure about that. I mean, I feel sort of silly. And I still can’t believe I made the squad.”

              “Are you kidding? Mom and dad have been paying for gymnastics and dance lessons practically since you could walk.”

              Elsa sighed as she plopped down on the bed next to Anna. “Maybe so, but I’m not exactly the perky type. I keep waiting for the coaches to tell me they made a mistake. You’re more the cheerleader type than I am.”

              Anna arched her brows as she pointed to her chest. “Me? Miss clumsy? Do you remember the one time I tried to take a gymnastics class?”

              Elsa laughed at the memory. “You got stuck upside down on the uneven bars and started crying.”

              Anna laughed too. “And that one ballet class I took? I kept going in the wrong direction and crashing into the other dancers.”

              Elsa was lying flat on her back down, laughing so hard she was crying. “I think you broke that one girl’s nose.”

              “What are you two doing in here?”

              Elsa and Anna leapt to their feet at the sound of their mother’s voice, but she was standing in the doorway smiling at the two of them. She shook her head.

              “I’m leaving to drive you to school in ten minutes Anna, are you ready?” A honk sounded from outside. “And Elsa, that’s Liam to drive you to the high school.”

              Anna slumped dramatically against Elsa’s side as if she were fainting. “And a junior to drive you to school! How do you get all the luck?”

              Elsa rolled her eyes as she grabbed her backpack and dashed for the stairs. “Please Anna, it’s just Liam and Killian. We’ve known them since I was five.”

              Elsa dashed for the door, pecking her father on the cheek on her way. “Tell those boys no one honks for my daughters,” he grumbled in reply.

              Elsa laughed as she yanked open the front door. “They’re driving me to school, dad, not to the prom.”

              She dashed across the yard towards Liam’s beat up, light blue Toyota. She was surprised when she opened the back door to find Killian slouched in the back seat. He glanced sardonically up at her through his dark hair that was in sore need of a haircut.

              “Liam said to be a gentleman and give you the front seat.”

              Elsa rolled her eyes at him as she opened the front door. “Gee, Killian, don’t be so gallant. You might hurt yourself.”

              Liam laughed as he pulled away from the curb. “My little brother’s just in one of his moods.”

              “That’s _younger_ brother, and forgive me if I’m not exactly thrilled about attending the same school as the perfect Liam Jones.”

              “You survived elementary school,” Liam replied with a roll of his eyes. He looked over then at Elsa. “You look great. Maybe too great. I don’t want to have to beat anyone up on the first day.”

              “Ha ha, whatever,” Elsa said, but she couldn’t stop a blush from rising to her fair cheeks. She turned in her seat to look back at Killian. “Can I see your schedule?”

              He shrugged, reached in his book bag, and then handed it to her. Elsa’s eyes lit up when she glanced over it.

              “We’ve got first and fourth together. I’m so relieved! I hate walking in alone.”

              Killian grinned back with a genuine smile and a sparkle in his blue eyes. “And fourth means we have the same lunch. Eating alone is a teenager’s worst nightmare.”

              “I don’t know, Killy,” Liam teased, “Elsa may not want to sully her reputation.”

              “And . . . there it is,” Killian scowled, “not to mention if you call me Killy in public, I swear the whole school will know that you wet the bed in fifth grade.”

              Elsa clapped her hand over her mouth to stop her laughter from spilling out. Liam gripped the steering wheel tighter as he glared at his brother. “That was one time,” he bit out, glancing over at Elsa as a blush stained his cheeks, “and I drank a lot of soda.”

              The teasing between the Jones brothers was forgotten though as Liam pulled up to Storybrooke High. Elsa swallowed nervously as she leaned closer to the window.

              “Well,” Killian muttered from the back seat, “here we go, Elsa.”

              Liam parked the car and the three of them scrambled out. Elsa was surprised when Liam came around to carry her backpack. He slung his arm around her and squeezed her in a tight side hug.

              “Don’t worry,” he told her, “I’ll be looking out for my little brother _and_ my little sister.”

              “ _Younger_ brother,” Killian corrected automatically, “and give her back her bag, you git.”

              “Why? I’m being a gentleman and walking her to class.”

              Killian snatched Elsa’s backpack and thrust it back into her arms. “If you walk _her_ to class, you’re walking me too, and that’s embarrassing. _I’ll_ be the gentleman carrying her bag, thank you very much.”

              Liam shrugged in defeat, then gave Elsa his charming, dimpled grin. “Okay then, I leave you in my brother’s irresponsible hands,” he quipped. Then he gave Elsa a little shove on the shoulder, “You’ll be fine, kid.”

              Elsa frowned as Liam walked towards the junior/senior wing. She thought she was over the tiny crush she had nursed over Liam back when she was twelve, but those words – _little sister, kid_ – they still hurt. She felt Killian nudge her.

              “Don’t let it bother you,” he said, “my brother thinks it’s his job to take care of everyone.”

              “You don’t have to carry my bag, you know,” she told him, not really wanting to talk about Liam.

              Killian grinned that crooked smile of his that made girls swoon over him. “I’m not about to be outdone by my brother. Besides, it can’t hurt my reputation to be seen walking a cheerleader to class.”

              Elsa shook her head and fell into step beside Killian. She looked down again at the pleated skirt and the letters SHS emblazoned across her chest. How long before the whole school saw through her charade?

                            **********************************************************

              Anna had been right about one thing: being on the cheerleading squad _had_ made the transition to high school easier. Not because it made Elsa super popular; that was a Hollywood stereotype. It made it easier because she had developed friendships with the other cheerleaders over the summer, especially during the week they spent at camp together. Elsa was the only freshman on varsity, but the older girls were so sweet to her. Even better, the JV girls weren’t envious of her at all and also became her friends. She wouldn’t say she was super close to any of them, but they were at least her acquaintances at school.

              Knowing Liam and Killian Jones didn’t hurt, either, especially Liam. Even though some people teased Liam for being a squeaky clean preacher’s kid who didn’t party or break curfew, he was still respected. The guys admired him for his athletic ability on both the soccer team and the swim team, and the girls swooned over his good looks and chivalrous manner. On the flip side, her friendship with Killian got her attention in different ways. Half the rumors about him weren’t even true, but everyone seemed to want to know more about the charming yet rebellious younger son of Storybrooke Fellowship’s pastor, Brennan Jones.

              One person who was especially fascinated with Killian was one of the JV cheerleaders, Shannon Tucker. She had befriended Elsa at tryouts back in the spring, even inviting her over to practice the cheers and the dance choreography. Of course, the second she closed the door to her room, she had given Elsa a conspiratorial grin and asked her, “So, is Killian Jones a good kisser?”

              Elsa had almost gagged at the thought. “Yuck! How would I know?”

              “But you two are so close –“

              “Um, no, not like _that_! We grew up together. Kissing him would be like kissing my brother.”

              Of course, kissing Liam on the other hand . . .

              So it didn’t surprise Elsa that talk turned to Killian one night in September at Shannon’s kitchen table. They had second period civics together, and had teamed up on a project. They were supposed to be making a poster of the bill of rights, but instead Shannon kept peppering her with questions.

              “You said Killian isn’t dating anyone, but everyone knows he gets around –“

              “That’s not true,” Elsa said a bit defensively. She was sick of all the stories about her friend. Just because his mom pulled him out of school last year, everyone thought he was some sort of juvenile delinquent who was trying to impregnate all of Storybrooke.

              “Okay, if you say so,” Shannon waved her hand as if Elsa were completely naïve (and maybe she was, Elsa had to admit), “but if a girl _were_ to have a shot with him . . . “

              Hours later, Elsa was sick to death of talking about Killian Jones. They also hadn’t finished their project. Elsa had to admit, she was also getting a little sick of Shannon.

              “Just ask your parents if you can spend the night,” her friend told her with a shrug.

Elsa did as Shannon asked, and then let out a deep – pretend - sigh as she hung up the phone in her friend’s kitchen. “Mom said no,” she told her friend. “She said I can’t sleep over on a school night.”

              Shannon flipped her brown hair off her shoulder and pouted as she leaned against the counter. “That’s so dumb! Why are your parents so strict?”

              Elsa just shrugged. Kids at school said that a lot about her parents. She supposed that she and her sister Anna had more rules than most kids their age, but Elsa honestly never thought much about it. Her parents loved her so much, and she loved them.

              “Well,” Shannon’s mother said as she wiped at the kitchen counter, “I can’t take Elsa home. I’ve got work that’s been piling up all afternoon.” The woman tapped at the marble for a moment, thinking.

              “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Tucker,” Elsa apologized, “I didn’t know our project would take so long to finish.”

              “Oh, it’s fine,” the woman replied, waving her hand in the air dismissively, “it was nice having someone for Shannon to chatter on and on with besides me.”

              “Mom!” Shannon protested, tossing a piece of popcorn she had been munching on at her mother.

Mrs. Tucker brightened when Shannon’s brother Derek came in the room. He ignored the women completely as he grabbed a soft drink from the fridge and popped the tab.

“Derek,” Mrs. Tucker said, “could you please take Shannon’s friend Elsa home?”

Derek looked up for the first time at the females gathered in the kitchen. Elsa’s heart pounded as Derek seemed to notice her for the first time. He was nineteen and a freshman at the community college in Storybrooke. He was really good looking, with thick brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. He wasn’t overly tall or muscular, but his shoulders were broad and his arms were toned. Elsa had honestly been crushing on him from the first time she had come over to Shannon’s house back in the spring. But until this moment, he had never given her a second look.

He was now, though. His gaze traveled over her, from the top of her head, to the bottom of her feet. Elsa hoped he didn’t notice the blush rising to her cheeks.

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a shrug, “come on.”

And with shaking hands, Elsa grabbed her backpack and followed him to his car.

              ************************************************

Elsa had never been very talkative. Her mother joked that it was because her sister Anna talked enough for two. Yet even quiet Elsa usually talked more than she was right now in Derek’s car. No matter what he said to her, all she seemed to be able to give were one word responses. Even so, the longer they drove, the more he smiled at her. Of course, that just made her nerves intensify.

“You seem nervous,” he said.

Elsa shrugged, “No. I’m not nervous.”

He laughed in a way that made her feel ten years old. “Okay. Well, I just want you to know, that if you are, it’s okay. I’m used to girls getting nervous around me.”

He smiled and Elsa managed to smile back. She almost jumped out of her skin when he reached over and took her hand.

“You’ve grown up a lot over the summer,” he said, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

Elsa’s heart was hammering in her chest. There were only two boys who had ever held her hand: the Jones brothers. But that was only to jump off the docks when they were swimming or to play red rover at youth group or the time Killian dared her to jump off the hayride at the church fall festival. This was completely different. This sent shivers racing down her arm. Could Derek have really noticed her in _that_ way? Could he really like her? She was only fourteen, but there were other girls her age at school dating boys who were 17, 18, or 19. Of course, those girls knew how to talk to boys. How to flirt, how to act to get their attention . . . how to kiss. Elsa meanwhile was probably the only girl in the freshman class who had never been kissed.

Derek surprised Elsa then by turning into the church parking lot. She was so surprised, she didn’t know what to say until he had parked in the empty lot and switched off his headlights.

“Wh – what are we doing here?” she asked.

The words were barely out of her mouth when Derek leaned across the front seat, grabbed her by the back of her head, and kissed her. Her thoughts were nervous butterflies skittering in her brain. Part of her liked the kiss. It sent heat burning across her skin and down to the core of her. Part of her was nervous at doing something wrong, since she had never kissed a boy before. And part of her was a little scared. By the way his hand grabbed at the back of her neck, the aggressive motion of his lips, and the way he was pushing her backwards against the door of the car. Then he shoved his tongue in her mouth, and the fear won out.

She pushed against his chest, but that was useless. She then pulled her mouth away and turned her head, but that only made him start kissing her neck, moving lower and lower towards the top of her shirt, and that made her fear increase.

“Stop,” she said, pushing harder against his chest.

Derek laughed. “Your first kiss?” He smiled at her and brushed her hair back from her face almost tenderly. The action made her heart constrict. It seemed he really liked her. She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Don’t worry, baby, I’ll teach you.”

Then he kissed her again, his tongue almost choking her. His hands roamed over her breasts as he pushed her down into a more horizontal position. She struggled against him, trying now to push his hands off her breasts. He broke the kiss and started on her neck again.

“No,” she said again, a tremor in her voice as she continued to struggle.

His kissing and hand-roaming stopped. Derek looked down at her with that tender expression again. It was almost like he was two different people.

“I thought you liked me, baby.”

Elsa swallowed hard. “I- I did. I thought I did.” He grinned. “That’s what I thought.” Then he started kissing along the edge of her neckline again         

and then slid his hand up her shirt. Elsa grabbed his wrist to stop him, but he fought her. “Shhh . . . you want this, you know you do.”

              She suddenly panicked realizing what “this” was. She kept attempting to push him away with one hand while her other reached for the door handle. She pushed it down, but nothing happened, she scrambled for the lock and mashed it repeatedly, but still nothing happened.

              Derek pulled up off her for a moment and grabbed her roughly by both wrists. “Child lock,” he told her, “girls like you never know what they want.”

              She started crying now as he pressed himself against her again.

              “Hey!” A familiar voice shouted, accompanied by a loud pounding on the window. “What the hell is going on?”

              Elsa turned her head to see Liam Jones standing there, yanking hard on the door handle. Derek loosened his hold on her, and she turned her body away from him, reaching once again for the door handle.

              “He won’t let me out!” she cried in a voice so hysterical she scarcely recognized it as her own.

              Liam slammed his fists now into the glass. “Open this damn door before I smash these windows in,” he screamed.

              Derek must have hit the child lock because suddenly the latch gave, and the door swung open. The force of it nearly sent Elsa tumbling to the pavement, but Liam caught her. She clung desperately to his shirt, trembling and sobbing. His own arms shook as he wrapped them around her, running one hand comfortingly up and down her back. When he spoke next, his words were low and threatening, and they sent a tremor all through him.

              “What the hell did you do to her?”

              “Hey, man,” Derek said, trying to sound nonchalant. Elsa turned her head to peek at him. He stood with both hands up, but not in surrender. More like he was washing his hands of the mess that Elsa was. “I didn’t know she was so immature. I was just trying to have a little fun, and she freaked out on me.”

              “You locked her in your car!” Liam shouted. “Anyone would freak out!”

              “You seriously believe that?” Derek scoffed.

              “I saw it with my own eyes, pervert!” Liam relinquished his hold on Elsa and took a step backwards. “I’m going to call the police.”

              “Liam, no!” Elsa pleaded, grabbing his arm. The hysteria she felt earlier clawed its way up inside her, making her heart race and her head pound.

              “He, he, attacked you!”

              Tears streamed down her face as she shook her head, “He’s probably right. I probably just freaked out.”

              Liam frowned while Derek laughed. “See? Told you. She’s just a kid who doesn’t understand what guys expect.”

              Derek’s taunts only made Liam angrier, and before Derek even knew what was happening, Liam had hauled him up by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the hood of the car. Though Derek was three years older, Liam was bigger and stronger.

              “Just a kid? Just a kid! Then why the hell were you pawing at her, huh? She’s only fourteen!”

              Liam raised his fist to slam it into Derek’s face, but Elsa raced forward to pull him back. “Please don’t, Liam! If he goes home with a black eye, my friend’s going to want to know what happened. And I can’t, I can’t . . .” Elsa trailed off, sobs choking her words. Liam deflated at the sound of her crying. He let go of Derek to hold Elsa once again to his chest.

              “Go,” he bit out, “before I change my mind.”

              Derek, with wide eyes, scrambled to get into his car. Soon, his headlights were leaving the church lot and fading away as he turned down Main Street. Liam made no move to release her, and Elsa tilted her head back to look up at him. His dark blonde curls were illuminated under the church parking lot lights. It made him look almost angelic. He looked down at her, brow creased with concern.

              “Are you sure you’re okay?”

              Suddenly, Elsa felt too exposed under his gaze, and shame washed over her. She wanted nothing more right now than a hot shower – as hot as she could stand – followed by her biggest, baggiest pajamas and her own warm bed. She extricated herself from Liam’s embrace and turned away from him, hunching her shoulders and ducking her head as she wrapped her arms around herself.

              “I’m okay,” she told him as she attempted to walk away. But her knees were wobbling like jell-o, and for the third time that night, Liam caught her, steadying her at the elbows.

              “Hey,” he said softly, as if she were an injured animal, “why don’t you sit down for a minute?”

              Since sitting down sounded wonderful, she let Liam guide her over to the church steps. He sat next to her, his arm still draped around her shoulders. The tears started coming again, and she buried her face in her hands, scrubbing at her eyes in frustration.

              “Are you sure we shouldn’t go to the police?” he asked.

              “No!” Elsa cried again. She looked into Liam’s gaze for a brief moment, before she ducked her head. She rubbed at her temple. She was so confused. She had felt so afraid in that car, but maybe Derek was right. No guy had ever seemed interested in her or tried to kiss her. And she _was_ only fourteen. Maybe she had blown the whole thing out of proportion. She took a deep, shaky breath before attempting to speak again. “I just want to pretend this never happened.”

              Liam was quiet a long time. Elsa still couldn’t bear to look at him, so she just stared at her hands clasped in her lap.

              “What about the emergency room then?” he finally asked in almost a whisper.

              That made her turn to look at him in confusion. “For what? I’m not hurt.”

              He frowned. “You se-“ he stopped whatever he was about to say and swallowed hard, “you’re sure?”

              Elsa nodded.

              “About Derek –“

              “Please, Liam,” she interrupted, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

              Liam pressed his lips together and sighed. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

              “It is,” she whispered. She shivered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Liam pulled her a bit closer.

              “I would offer you my jacket, but it’s sixty degrees outside.”

              Elsa laughed at that, but then the laughter turned to more hysterical tears. He rubbed her back in silence as she cried again.

              “I’m so glad Dad sent me to get that book from his office.”

              Elsa didn’t say anything to that. She started to ask herself, “What if . . . ?” but even those two words caused panic to claw at her chest. So she shoved them down, deep, deep down inside of herself. The tears finally subsided, and she took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders.

              “Let me take you home,” Liam said.

              “Home!” Elsa cried. “How will I explain to my parents that I’m with _you_ instead of Shannon’s brother?”

              Liam arched a brow. “I’m the pastor’s son. Whatever we come up with, your parents will believe it.”

              Elsa chuckled wryly. “Being the pastor’s son never makes them believe a word your brother says.”

              “Okay, let me rephrase that, I’m the pastor’s _oldest_ son.” He reached out and thumbed Elsa’s chin. “And at least I’ve gotten you to smile for the first time tonight.”

              “Ugh,” Elsa protested, turning away and rubbing at her cheeks, “I’m a mess. How can I go home now? Everyone will see that something’s wrong.”

              “You really don’t want them to know?”

              Elsa shook her head. “Please, Liam! Please promise me you won’t tell a soul about any of this. Even Killian.”

              Liam regarded her intently for a long, silent moment. Then he expelled a long breath. “Okay, Elsa. For you.” Then he smiled at her again. Enough to reveal one of his dimples. She’d always liked those dimples, so she smiled back.

              “Now,” he said decisively, as if officially burying what just happened, “I know just what can erase all evidence of your tears. Ice cream!”

              He stood and offered her his hand, which she took. He helped her up and slung his arm around her as they walked to his car. In it, Elsa felt a slight shift in their relationship. From that day forward, Liam seemed to think it his job to protect Elsa. And for her, Liam Jones became more than her friend, even more than her first crush. He became her rescuer; her hero.

              And as for that night, they both kept their vow. For better or worse, they never spoke of it again. Until eight years later . . .

 


	2. Just Two Clueless Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I am so sorry that it took me two months to post this chapter! I have several WIP that I'm juggling, plus the chapters in this fic are going to be really long.   
> * There is little - VERY little - interaction between Liam and Elsa in this chapter, but I needed to lay the foundation for several things. Emma shows up here though, and her friendship with Elsa will be a big part of this fic, so I'm excited about that!

**August 1998**

              Elsa stood in front of her mirror on another first day of school, once again smoothing her hands down the pleated skirt of her cheerleading uniform. Things would be different this year with Liam away at college. He assured her that he was just a few blocks away in a campus apartment, but what college guy wanted a high school junior hanging around, especially a sister-type?

              Elsa sighed and grabbed her book bag and car keys. She went down the hall and knocked on her sister’s door, but “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba was blaring so loud, Elsa doubted she heard it. She rolled her eyes as she eased the door open. She really hoped her sister’s taste in music improved now that she was starting high school. Her sister stood in front of the mirror affixed to the back of her closet door as she applied dark red lipstick.

              “Anna, what are you wearing?” Elsa exclaimed.

              Anna jumped, then giggled when she saw her sister. “God, you scared me! I didn’t hear you come in!”

              “Of course you didn’t,” Elsa sighed as she switched off the stereo. “Now, answer my question. What. Are. You. Wearing?”

              Anna blushed slightly as she tugged at the plaid mini skirt. “I bought it at the mall with my friends. They all bought similar outfits.”

              “So you could be in a music video with Britney Spears?”

              Anna frowned as she folded her arms over her chest. At least her sky blue button down wasn’t unbuttoned halfway like a pop star. “I don’t see how it’s any different than your uniform.”

              “I doubt Dad will agree with you.”

 

              Anna brushed one loose braid over her shoulder and tilted her chin. “Well, that’s why I’m planning on dashing out really quick so he won’t see me.”

              “Fine. I’ll be waiting in the car.” Elsa furrowed her brow as she leaned closer to inspect her sister’s face. “And that lipstick makes you look like a vampire.”

              “Thank you, _Mom_.”

              Elsa ignored her sister’s pouting and headed downstairs. She brushed a kiss across her father’s cheek before dashing out the garage door. He was so engrossed in his newspaper like most mornings, she didn’t doubt that Anna could slip by without him noticing she was dressed like the cast of _Clueless_. Elsa only sat drumming her fingernails on the steering wheel for five minutes when Anna slipped into the passenger’s seat.

              “Told you,” she crowed smugly in a sing-song voice.

              Elsa just chuckled as she backed the car out of the garage. “Okay, Anna, but just remember you’ve got to get it past mom this afternoon.”

              She laughed louder when her sister slumped in her seat.

                            **********************************************************

              Later that afternoon, Elsa slung her backpack into the backseat of her Mazda with a loud _oomph_. Every textbook for her junior year weighed half a ton each. Her US history book wouldn’t even fit in her book bag, so she tossed that in afterwards. And every single teacher had given homework on the first night. She guessed it was her own fault for signing up for all AP and honors classes.

              Elsa hadn’t even slipped behind the wheel when an emotional Anna marched to the car, yanked the door open, and collapsed on the seat.

              “Get me out of here,” she muttered angrily.

              Elsa side eyed her sister as she eased out of the parking space. She was concerned to see Anna’s trembling lower lip and the wetness in her eyes. “Hey, are you okay?”

              Anna scrubbed at her face. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just . . . you didn’t warn me how mean the upper classmen are to freshmen!”

              “I’m sorry Anna,” Elsa frowned. “I had Liam plus the varsity cheerleading squad.”

              “Yeah, well . . .” Anna muttered, resting her chin in her hand as she gazed out the window at the passing scenery, “all I had was guys calling me a _little girl_ and asking if I’m still in a training bra.” She looked her sister up and down, “What I wouldn’t give for your curves, Elsa.”

              “Be careful what you wish for,” she muttered back before she could stop herself. A memory of Derek’s groping hands rose up unbidden, and Elsa quickly stuffed the memory back down, like she always did.

              “Why? You look amazing! And I’m . . . flat as a pancake.” Anna scowled down at her own chest.

              “Anna, if a guy isn’t interested in you because your boobs are too small, he’s a loser anyway.”

              “I guess,” Anna said, brushing her bangs out of her face. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and studied her sister for a long moment. “Can I ask you something?”

              Elsa squirmed slightly, but then said nonchalantly, “Sure.”

              “Why haven’t you dated at all?”

              Elsa worried her lower lip as her cheeks burned. Guys had asked her on dates, but she always said _no_. She knew her reputation at Storybrooke High: Elsa Arendelle, the Ice Queen. And it wasn’t just guys who thought so; girls assumed she was a snob.

              “I know you’re head over heels for Liam,” Hannah continued, “but if he doesn’t see you that way, maybe you should give other guys a chance.”

              Elsa pursed her lips together as she pulled into their subdivision. “Who says I have a thing for Liam?”

              Anna snorted with laughter. “Okay, right, Elsa. Keep telling yourself that.”

                            ****************************************************

              Storybrooke was a small town. And like most small towns, going to church wasn’t so much a religious endeavor as a social one. The town had only one Jewish synagogue and three Christian churches: First Baptist, St. Francis Catholic, and Brennan Jones’s non-denominational congregation, Storybrooke Fellowship. Elsa had gone there since she was born. She knew nothing else. Unlike other non-denominational churches, it wasn’t seeker-friendly with donuts in the lobby and trendy music. It really wasn’t much different from First Baptist down the street; both had steeples, stained glass windows, and pipe organs that played traditional hymns every Sunday. If you wanted trendy, you had to drive to the next town over, to Woodbury that also boasted a Starbucks, a movie theater, and a mall.

              Storybrooke Fellowship did, however, have the trendiest youth group. Their youth building was the old Storybrooke five and dime across the street from the sanctuary. They had renovated it, but it still had a brick façade with a bright red striped awning and retro fifties advertisements on the walls. There were arcade games, a pinball machine, and a foosball table. A big sectional couch took up one corner where they had a big screen TV for movie nights. The five and dime’s old soda fountain was well stocked with soft drinks and junk food, which kids could partake of either at the formica counter or in the red vinyl booths lining the walls. The only thing they didn’t have was a soda jerk in a paper hat to take their orders.

              Instead of a soda jerk, they had Pastor Phillip, their youth leader. He had just graduated from Storybrooke Community College with a degree in religious studies. He was saving up money to go to Asbury Theological Seminary in Kentucky so he could be a senior pastor like Brennan Jones. But for now, he worked part time at the church running the youth group and part time at the Storybrooke Rec. Department running the Boys and Girls Club.

              Everyone loved Pastor Phillip. He was energetic, and passionate about his faith. The girls, truth be told, had crushes on him. There were many broken hearts when his girlfriend Aurora, a junior nursing major at the college, started volunteering with him in the youth ministry. Yet those broken hearts quickly mended when the girls got to know the soft spoken and kind Aurora. She led a girl’s Bible study in the upstairs classrooms of the youth building every Thursday night; something that Elsa looked forward to every week.

              Elsa was in the “inner circle” of the youth group. She was one of those kids who was there for every event, even the “super spiritual” ones like Bible studies and prayer vigils. She didn’t mind visiting the elderly to sing Christmas carols or spending a week repairing the roof on an orphanage in Mexico. She honestly loved those things; loved church. She always had.

              But most of the kids on the youth group roster were on the periphery. Some of their family’s didn’t even attend church at Storybrooke Fellowship. But these kids were there for the movie nights, the beach cookouts in the summer, the prom after party for students against drunk driving. If there was fun and food, they were in.

              Like the back to school pizza party. Elsa could barely move through the crowded lower floor of the youth building, and the sounds of arcade games pinged through the air. The sound system cranked out The Newsboys, The Supertones, and Skillet. As Elsa scanned the crowded room, she realized how much she longed to see Liam’s head of curly hair. But even though he had promised to occasionally still show up to youth group events, he had no reason to be here tonight. He wasn’t a student at Storybrooke High anymore.

              Elsa elbowed her way towards the bar where the pizza was laid out. She grabbed a slice of pepperoni, then moved to the end of the bar to grab a coke. She was surprised to see Killian there, already popping the tab on a can of coke while he balanced a paper plate piled high with pizza in his other hand.

              “Are you in trouble again?” Elsa asked.

              Killian arched a brow at her. “Why hello to you too, Elsa. Do you always start conversations by expecting the worst of people?”

              Elsa rolled her eyes as she struggled to pop the tab on her drink. Killian reached over and did it for her. “It’s just that I haven’t seen you at youth group in forever.”

              “And you figured it was punishment?” Killian laughed, not even waiting for her to answer. He shrugged. “What can I say? There’s free pizza.”

              “Can I be honest, Killy?”

              “You can if you stop calling me Killy,” he quipped.

              “Sorry, old habits . . . anyway, I miss you. You’re rarely at youth group anymore, and we don’t have any classes together at school.”

              “Elsa, I get enough lectures at home, I don’t need one from you,” Killian scowled as he took a bite of pizza.            

              “I’m not lecturing,” Elsa clarified. She bit her lip to keep from adding that he was too smart to be in general classes. She already knew what he would say – why waste all that time studying when there was life to live? You’re only young once, Elsa. She had heard it all before.

              “Then what are you saying?”

              “That I miss you,” she repeated, “and so does Anna. Her first day of school was a little rough. She could have used a Jones brother in her corner. Like your brother was there for me.”

              “I’m no Liam,” Killian muttered.

              “Well,” Elsa replied, “Anna isn’t me either, now is she?”

              Killian did that brooding thing he did so well, his jaw clenching as his gaze found Anna in the corner of the room, picking dejectedly at her pizza. “You’re not worried about me corrupting her?” Killian teased.

              Elsa rolled her eyes. “Honestly? A little.” She turned to Killian, her gaze turning serious. “But I also know you love her like a sister and would never let anything bad happen to her.”

              “What bad things are gonna happen?” Killian laughed. “This is boring little Storybrooke.”

              Elsa closed her eyes for a moment at Killian’s innocuous question. Her heart sped up for a moment, and she took a deep breath. A memory struggled to surface of a dark parking lot on a September night, but Elsa pushed it back.

              “Elsa?” Killian asked, voice slightly concerned.

              Elsa smiled brightly at him. “I’m fine. And just like you, I’m sure Anna can find trouble even here in Storybrooke.”

              Killian laughed and gave Elsa a side hug before heading over to talk to Anna. Once he left, Elsa sat on one of the bar stools, attempting to eat the rest of her pizza. But the room was too loud, too hot, and too crowded. She much preferred the quiet group of girls who met on Thursday night. Elsa weaved through the crowd to her sister, and once Killian had promised to drive Anna home, Elsa escaped quickly to her car. Once she shut the door, she sat with her head against the steering wheel, waiting for her heart rate to slow back down. Her hands shook slightly as she started the car, but she told herself it was just because she wasn’t big on crowds.

**August 2002**

              A group of loud teenagers lounged in the corner booth at Granny’s, and Elsa couldn’t help thinking back to those old high school days in the youth building at Storybrooke Fellowship. Maybe it was the fifties vibe of the retro diner, or maybe it was the insecurity she sensed resting just below the surface of some of the kids. She wouldn’t go back to trying to navigate those waters for anything in this world. Elsa left their booth and made her way around the counter and back to the kitchen. She slid the order tab into the slot above the opening to the grill area. Liam’s head popped up, his thick hair curling out from the edges of his old Storybrooke High baseball cap.

              “Two orders of chili cheese fries and three orders of onion rings? That’s it?” he asked with that trademark Jones smirk.

              Elsa shrugged her shoulders. “And three milkshakes; two chocolate and one strawberry. What can I say? It’s a bunch of kids enjoying their final days of summer vacation.”

              Liam’s smile crinkled his face, his gaze finding the group of rowdy kids in the corner. “Ah, I remember those days.”

              “Yeah, well . . . “ Elsa’s heart started to pound, and her lungs constricted. She turned away from Liam, trying to steady her breathing. This was happening more and more often, and she didn’t know why. There didn’t even seem to be a trigger for it anymore. She sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with her heart, but she was too afraid to go to the doctor.

              “Elsa,” Liam said softly.

              She released a long puff of air, then turned back to him with a bright smile plastered on her face. “Gotta get those milkshakes!”

              Liam frowned, but he didn’t press her. He went to fill the order, and Elsa headed to the shake machine. The diner was pretty slow this time of day; it was only a little after three in the afternoon. The teens in the corner were the only ones in the diner. Ruby, the other waitress, leaned against the sink next Elsa.

              “So,” she asked in a tone that clearly said she was bored out of her mind, “your cousin starts today, right?”

              “Yeah,” Elsa said, peace washing over her and a smile filling her face. “She’s across the street as we speak with my Aunt Ingrid moving in to the apartment.”

              “That would be so fun; three single girls sharing a funky little vintage apartment. I’m jealous!”

              Elsa laughed as she squirted whipped cream on top of the milkshakes. “Why? You’ve got that place in Killian’s complex all to yourself. If you roomed with us, we’d cramp your dating style.”

              “Guess your right,” Ruby admitted, smacking her gum and twirling a lock of her red-streaked brown hair around her finger. “I think you’d all get tired of my revolving door of one-night stands.”

              “Speaking of which,” Elsa commented, dropping a cherry on the top of each milkshake, “you sure there’s not someone out there that you could at least _try_ to have a relationship with?”

              Ruby followed her around the counter, leaning close to her ear. “Well, you know I’ve tried with both Jones brothers. But one is too pure and the other is too jaded. I concede defeat to you, Elsa.”

              “Please, I’ve told you a thousand times, the Jones boys are like brothers to me.”

              “Killian maybe,” Ruby quipped, poking Elsa in the ribs.

              Elsa scowled as she arranged the milkshakes on her tray. Ruby just sauntered off, laughing. Elsa lifted the tray carefully and made her way to the corner booth where she handed out the milkshakes. As soon as she finished that, she heard Liam call out that the fries and onion rings were up. Once the teenagers were taken care of, including refilling their sodas, Elsa paused to look across the street.

              The building used to be a department store with offices on the second and third floor. Now it had been refurbished into trendy, affordable apartments. It was mostly rented out by students attending Storybrooke Community College. Elsa had been living at home for her freshman and sophomore years, but with Anna starting at the college, her parents had agreed to them getting a place. Part of the agreement, however, was that the girls had to pay their own rent. It hadn’t taken much pleading to convince their cousin Emma to move from Boston to attend school here and be their third roommate. Splitting rent three ways would make it way more affordable, and Aunt Ingrid even agreed to throw in a little bit every month.

              Elsa’s gaze traveled up to the third floor where their apartment faced the diner. She could see her Aunt Ingrid helping Emma with a large box. Both of them were laughing as they struggled with it, and the sight made Elsa grin. Emma was ecstatic about getting into SCC. She had been adopted by Ingrid at the age of 14, and for a long time, she hadn’t thought college was a possibility. Elsa was excited too. Emma had been her best friend since the first day they met, and she was thrilled to have her as a roommate. People always said she and Emma looked uncannily alike, almost like twins. But more than that, she and Emma had always had a special connection. They understood one another, despite their vastly different upbringings. How many hours had they spent on the phone the past few years, pouring their hearts out to each other? And now they would be right across the hall from one another.

                             *************************************************

              Elsa balanced her cell phone between her ear and her shoulder as she carried groceries into the small apartment kitchen. Her mother chattered away in her ear as she deposited the bags onto the countertop.

              “ . . . I just want to make sure you’re being practical, sweetheart.”

              Elsa brushed her long, blonde braid off her shoulder as she carried a bag of salad to the refrigerator. “Mom, I was practical for two years of business classes. I laid a good foundation, but I want to pursue my photography now.”

              Her mother was silent for a moment, and Elsa could practically feel Gerda Arrendelle’s mind spinning. Elsa carried a few cans to the cupboard before her mother spoke again.

              “And are you sure you can make a living at that?”

              Elsa leaned against the countertop, crossing her arms over her chest. She nodded at Emma as she came in and grabbed a carton of ice cream out of the fridge.

              “Yes, mom, I can make a living. People aren’t going to stop getting married, having babies, and graduating from high school. And people want all of it photographed. I just want to be the best I can be at it.” She paused, her shoulders sagging. “And I love doing it, Mom.”

              “I know that sweetheart.” Her mother’s voice actually sounded tender on the other end of the line. “But you know, I always loved to scribble stories and draw, but when I realized that it wouldn’t pay the bills –“

              “Mom,” Elsa interrupted, “do me a favor, okay? Just Google _photography_ and look at what pros are charging these days. Please?”

              “That’s fair,” her mother conceded. “You know I just want what’s best for you. I don’t want you ending up like the Cooper’s daughter, still working at Walmart while she gets her third useless degree.”

              Elsa swallowed back her anger at the word _useless_. “That won’t be me, Mom.”

              “Well, I’ll do that Google search, and we’ll talk some more. Okay?”

              Elsa gnawed on her lower lip, words bubbling inside of her. _Isn’t this my decision? Haven’t I done everything I was told for the past twenty years?_ But she didn’t say either of those things. “Okay. Talk to you later, Mom.”

              “I love you, sweetie.”

              “Love you too.” Elsa pressed the end call button, then rubbed her head wearily. She looked up at Emma, who sat on a barstool at the kitchen island. “Got enough for me?”

              Emma gave her a smirk as she handed her a spoon. “I had a feeling.” They both laughed as Elsa dug her spoon into the carton of cookies n’ cream. Emma licked the end of her spoon, then asked, “So your mom didn’t like you changing your major?”

              “Not exactly,” Elsa sighed, fishing out a nice size chuck of chocolate cookie. “She says it’s because she wants what’s best for me, but I can’t help wondering if it’s more about me making a decision on my own for once.”

              “You take gorgeous pictures, Elsa, don’t give up on your dream.”

              She smiled at Emma. “Thanks, but there’s still a lot I don’t know. That’s why I need to take photography classes. And there’s no way I’ll have time to take all the courses I need to as a business major.”

              Emma wrinkled her freckled nose. “Business sounds really boring.”

              Elsa rolled her eyes. “Oh, you have no idea! I was dying! But my courses this semester? I’ve never been so excited!”

              “Anna and I just have core classes,” Emma commented as she took another huge bite of ice cream. She kept talking around the melting chunk. Elsa had always noticed that her cousin didn’t have much in the way of table manners. She supposed it was from bouncing around in foster care for so many years. “Not that I’m passionate about nursing like you are with photography, though.”

              “You’re not?”

              Emma shook her head. “When you grow up like I did, having a roof over your head, food in your belly, and money to pay the bills is enough of a passion. The medical field is growing, so I’ll always have a job.”

              Elsa stabbed at the ice cream. “My mother would love you, then.”

              Emma shook her head. “It’s different for me. If I ever had a dream like yours . . . well, I’ve forgotten what it was.”

              Elsa narrowed her eyes at her cousin. “You don’t have any dreams? None at all?”

              Emma put her chin in her hand, her eyes getting a faraway look. “I’ve always just dreamed for love, for a family.”

              Elsa smiled softly, reaching out for her cousin’s wrist. Emma’s hand still clutched the sticky ice cream spoon. “Well, you’ve got that. Ok?”

              Emma shrugged, suddenly seeming embarrassed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

              Elsa squeezed Emma’s wrist before letting go. “I’m so happy you’re here. You’re my best friend, aside from Anna.”

              Emma smiled back. “And you’re mine.”

 

             

             

             

             

             

             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next will be some great Frozen Jewel scenes, I promise!


	3. We Were Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hopefully everyone hasn’t forgotten this fic! Updates for all my fics will be few and far between, I have to confess (except for my CSBB which will update very Monday because it’s already written). Real life has just gotten super hectic.  
> * I have upped the rating of this fic to an M. I typically think of smut and violence when it comes to ratings, but chatting with other writers has given me a new perspective. Elsa’s story in this fic is pretty intense and could definitely be a trigger to some people. That, not smut, is the reason for the increased rating. If the epilogue upset anyone because it wasn’t rated properly, I feel terrible and sincerely apologize.   
> * On a lighter note, I am so pleased with the group of friends I wrote for Elsa in high school ("the queens" as I call them). It makes me wish these three interacted on the show!

**September 1998**

              Elsa raced down the main hallway of Storybrooke High, narrowing her eyes as she looked down at her wrist watch. Most kids didn’t seem to care about being tardy to class, but Elsa wasn’t one of them. She had only gotten two demerits in her entire high school career, and the thought of getting any more made panic rise up inside her. She hated disappointing the adults in her life, teachers included.

              She was so busy looking at her watch and running so fast down the hall that she didn’t see the brunette rounding the corner until they collided. It wasn’t one of those dramatic moments like on TV; nobody went crashing to the ground. They both just startled and stumbled back a step or two. Elsa blinked to see a pretty, statuesque girl whose dark brown hair was dyed red at the ends. She wore heavy makeup, a tight shirt with a plunging neckline, and a tiny scrap of a skirt, but the bright smile that spread across her face and the sparkle in her eyes contrasted with both. Despite her rather scandalous fashion choices, Elsa instantly liked her.

              “Oh my God, that was almost a disaster,” the girl chuckled.

              Elsa laughed too. “It was really my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” The bell rang, and Elsa groaned. “Not that my rushing helped anything,” she said wryly, pointing a finger at the bell on the wall that had just finished clanging.

              “Sorry!” the brunette replied, her face wrinkling in an apologetic grimace. “Would your teacher excuse your tardy if you say you were helping a new student?”

              Elsa nodded. “I figured you were new, since I’ve never seen you before. Small town and all.”

              “Ruby Lucas,” she replied, sticking her hand out, “my Granny and I just moved here last week.”

              “Elsa Arendelle.” She took the offered hand. “Are you lost?”

              “Yeah,” Ruby told her, squinting down at the schedule in her hand, “who knew a small town school could be so confusing?”

              Elsa laughed. “I know, right? It’s because there are so many different buildings. Every time the student body grows, they put up a new one. Where do you need to be?”

              “Room 302. But there aren’t any 300s in this building.”

              Elsa nodded. “You need the math building. It’s behind the cafeteria.”

              Ruby held another piece of paper closer to her face. “The math building? It doesn’t say that on the map!”

              Elsa looked over Ruby’s shoulder. “Right . . . there. The Witwer building? Really? No one calls it that.”

              “I’m really not good with directions,” Ruby continued, turning the map sideways, “I can’t tell you how many times I got Granny and I lost on the drive from Toronto.”

              “You came here from Canada?”

              “Mhm,” Ruby said, shifting her backpack higher up her shoulder, “Grandpa passed away, and my Granny said there were too many memories. She grew up in Storybrooke, so here we are. Her family owned the diner over on Main Street.”

              Elsa’s eyebrows raised. “The one that closed down back in the 80s?”

              Ruby nodded. “It was left to Granny in the will, but she didn’t want to move me right after my parents died.”

              Elsa’s face fell. “I’m so sorry.”

              Ruby waved her hand in dismissal. “I was only two. I don’t even remember them. Anyway, Granny thought now was a good time to move back here and restore the diner.” She leaned closer to Elsa with a conspiratorial whisper, “And I suspect she thinks she can keep me out of trouble in a smaller town. Little does she know . . .”

Ruby winked, and Elsa joined in her laughter. Normally, people like Ruby set Elsa on edge and made her feel uncomfortable, but something about her set Elsa at ease. Ruby made her feel, only in five minutes of conversation, that she could be herself, no questions asked. And that was a rare thing, especially in Storybrooke. Elsa surprised even herself when she linked arms with the other girl and pulled her down the hallway.

“I’ll make sure you get to the right math class.”

              **********************************************************

“Okay, it didn’t take me long to figure out that you’re not a fan of this topic, but I gotta ask about the Jones boys.”

Ruby had been in Storybrooke for three weeks now, and Elsa’s first impression of her had been correct. She was so many things Elsa wasn’t: blunt, flamboyant, and loud, but somehow, their friendship worked. Ruby didn’t share Elsa’s faith, but she respected it and even admired some of her convictions. And she never pressed Elsa into anything that made her feel uncomfortable.

“Ruby,” she sighed now, “if you know I hate to talk about them, why bring it up?”

The brunette shrugged. “Because I’ve heard things, that’s all, at least about Killian. But when Granny hired Liam at the diner, he was _so_ completely the opposite. It’s just got me curious.”

“See,” Tiana spoke up, barely glancing up from her physics notes, “it’s not Liam she hates to talk about; she’ll _gladly_ talk about Liam.”

The entire table of girls laughed, and Elsa blushed. “If by that you mean I hate all the gossip about Killian, then yeah. He’s like a brother to me, and half the stuff people say isn’t even true.”

“Well, I’ll tell you this, that girl Milah he’s dating is bad news, take it from me.” Ruby’s gaze was fixed on the opposite side of the cafeteria as she spoke, and the other girls followed her line of sight.

“I agree,” Merida added, frowning, as she twirled a wild, red curl around her finger, “I worry about your sister hanging around her. Anna’s completely stopped coming to youth group.”

Elsa frowned as she looked at the group that her sister was laughing with over her lunch. Milah was literally sitting in Killian’s lap, her arms around his neck. Her sister blushed as Hans Southern, Storybrooke High star quarterback and flirtatious jerk, said something to her. Killian laughed too, high fiving his friend.

“Well,” Ruby joked, “none of you have managed to drag my ass to youth group either, yet you still keep me around.”

“Seriously,” Merida joked, throwing a tater tot at Ruby’s head, “you _so_ don’t fit into this _exclusive clique_ of ours.”

All four girls laughed, and even Tiana abandoned her schoolwork, which was a rare accomplishment. Tiana was the most driven student Elsa had ever seen.

“I never in a million years would have thought I would be friends with a couple of cheerleaders,” Ruby continued, “but Elsa and Tiana aren’t your stereotypical cheerleaders.”

“You mean we actually have high IQs,” Tiana quipped with an arch of her finely penciled brow.

“Yeah,” Ruby laughed “neither of you is all _oh my God, oh my God, as if!_ ” She dramatically flung her hair over her shoulder and batted her lashes as she said it, sending them all into another fit of giggles.

“Well, Elsa here may be quiet, but she likes befriending the outcasts,” Merida said, suddenly sincere. She nudged Elsa with her shoulder. “Like the athlete with wild curls who gets teased by the boys.”

“Or one of the five African-Americans in all of Storybrooke,” Tiana laughed, “with a New Orleans accent to boot.”

Elsa frowned as she folded her arms on the table. “All that crap is why I can’t wait to get out of this place. I hate the cliques, and the gossip, and the immature boys always saying inappropriate things.”

“Oh, but the boys can be so fun too,” sighed Ruby, propping her chin on her hand. She winked at her friends. “As long as you make sure they know who’s boss.”

“Killian Jones sure let’s that Milah be the boss,” Merida commented, nodding back towards where he sat with his clique. The clique that was known as the party animals, or the wild kids. It worried Elsa that Anna hung out with them so much. The only comfort was knowing that Killian kept a close eye on her. Elsa watched their lunch table as Killian brought Milah another glass of water from the line. He bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips as he handed it to her.

“What did you mean when you said she was bad news?” Elsa asked Ruby.

“Well,” she answered, “I don’t mean to sound like a cliché, but she’s one of those girls who goes fast and furious and then inevitably crashes and burns. I hung out with plenty of girls like her in Toronto.”

Tiana rolled her eyes, “And how is that any different from you, Rubes?”

Ruby gave Tiana a sly grin as she shrugged one shoulder suggestively, “I just like to live while I’m young.” Then she grew somber. “Girls like Milah, though? They’re trying to fill a great big hole. Or numb some intense pain. It’s why she and Killian are so hot and heavy.”

Elsa fiddled with the fork on her lunch tray. “Liam’s worried that they’re having sex.”

Ruby shrugged. “Probably. I certainly would if I were her.”

“Ruby!” all three other girls admonished.

“What?” Ruby asked, lifting both hands in surrender. “He’s hot!”

Tiana’s eyes went wide when she saw the time on the cafeteria clock. She started gathering her things. “I want to get to physics early. I’ve got a test today.”

“Like you have to worry,” Merida laughed.

Tiana pointedly ignored the comment. “Ya’ll going to Bible study tonight?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Elsa said, and she meant it. The weekly meeting with the small group of girls was always the highlight of her week.

“I will, but I’ll be late,” Merida told them, “I’ve got to pick the twins up from soccer practice for my mom.”

Tiana put her hand on her hip and tilted her head at Ruby. “And what about you? Can we finally convince you to join us?”

Ruby laughed, but it sounded a bit uncomfortable. “Please, I’d have way too much to confess, you’d be there all night.”

“We’re not Catholic,” Elsa teased, “there’s no confessional.”

“Well, still, not the church type.”

Tiana, Elsa, and Merida all exchanged glances. They knew they couldn’t push their friend, but they also loved her and hated to see the hurt she tried to hide. Losing her parents at the age of two and being raised by her grandparents, losing her grandfather to a stroke just a few months ago, and the jarring move to Storybrooke had all taken its toll on their friend. They all really believed that Aurora could help Ruby work through it all, but she always brushed off their invitations with jokes.

“Well,” Tiana said with a small wave, “see ya’ll later.”

There was only about five minutes left of the lunch hour anyway, so the rest of the girls gathered up their trays and headed for the trash area. Ruby came to a sudden halt when Hans Southern slid his chair directly in her path.

“Hey, new girl,” he said with a wink, “anyone shown you properly around town yet?”

Guys were always assuming Ruby was an easy score, but Elsa had seen her put plenty of them in their place the past three weeks. She didn’t mind flirting, but she had a major problem with cat-calling and condescending attitudes.

“My friends here have shown me around just fine,” Ruby said now, jerking her head back to Elsa and Merida, “and I don’t appreciate being called a _girl_ , jock.”

Hans leaned back, pushing his plastic chair up on two legs. “You didn’t tell me your name.”

“You didn’t ask,” Ruby spat. She stepped around Hans chair, kicking it with one foot so it went crashing back onto all four legs. Hans entire table erupted into laughter. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop half the guys around it from catcalling to Ruby as the three girls walked away.

As they scraped their trays and set them on the conveyor belt, Ruby leaned over and whispered into Elsa’s ear. “I would tell your sister to watch out for Hans. He’s bad news too.”

Elsa sighed as she glanced back over at her sister. Anna was slumped down in her chair, shooting daggers at the back of Ruby’s head. She had a sinking feeling her sister was in a whole heap of bad news.

              *******************************************************

“No, no, _no_ ,” Elsa groaned as she turned the key in her car’s ignition one more time. All that happened was a grinding sound accompanied by a weird clicking noise. Elsa smacked her palm on the steering wheel in frustration. Her brow furrowed nervously as she scanned the now empty parking lot. She shouldn’t have been talking to Tiana by her own car for so long after cheerleading practice. Now the fall sun was just beginning to set, and the lights over the student parking lot blinked on.

Elsa swallowed nervously, her hands shaking slightly as she got back out of the car and headed for the pay phones beside the gym. She held her keys in her fist like a knife the way she’d heard a self-defense instructor explain on a TV talk show. She had to put her makeshift weapon back in her purse, however, when she reached the pay phone. She reached in and pulled out a roll of quarters.

“Thank you for being overprotective, Dad,” she chuckled as she slipped a coin in the slot. She dialed her house first, but it rang and rang and rang. She huffed, glancing nervously at all the dark corners before inserting another quarter. She tried her dad’s office only to hear the receptionist say he had left for the day, and her mom’s office line played an automatic message informing callers that they were closed for the day. Elsa swallowed down her fear as she inserted yet another quarter. _What are you freaking out about? Nothing’s going to happen; you’re at school. There are probably teachers still around._ She kept encouraging herself to calm down as she dialed the next number she could think of, hoping he wouldn’t be annoyed.

“Hello?”

“Liam,” she said, and winced at the squeak in her voice, “am I bothering you?”

“Of course not. What’s up?”

“Well, see, my car won’t start,” she explained, twisting the phone cord around her fingers, “and I can’t reach mom and dad.”

“Where are you?” the lightness of his voice had turned suddenly deeper.

“At school. I had cheerleading practice.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there. Go sit right in the front of the building and don’t move.”

Elsa rolled her eyes. “You sound like my dad. I’m not five.”

“No, you’re a pretty sixteen year old girl, so will you just do what I say?” There was teasing in his voice now, and Elsa smiled. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

She thanked him and hung up, the smile still plastered on her face from the fact that he had just called her pretty. She headed around to the front entrance of Storybrooke High and took a seat on the stone steps. She rested her elbows on her thighs and her chin in her hands.

“Can I sit here?”

Elsa startled and turned to see a student in a JROTC uniform standing there.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” When Elsa said nothing, he continued, “So, can I?” He gestured to the step she was on.

Elsa bit her lip, but found herself shrugging anyway. They were right in front of the school, after all, and he was in JROTC. They had to have character references for that, right? The guy sat next to her, leaving plenty of room between them. She relaxed.

“I’ve seen you around,” he told her, “you’re a cheerleader.”

“Mhm,” was all Elsa could think to say.

He smiled at her and stuck his hand out, “Name’s Billy. And you are?”

“Elsa,” she managed to answer softly as she took his hand. It was clammy, and when he let go, she resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her gym shorts. Billy pushed a strand of greasy brown hair out of his eyes. His face was pock-marked with acne, and he barely filled out his uniform. The more she looked at him, noting the way his hazel eyes darted away from hers every time she made eye contact, the more she relaxed.

“Are you waiting for a ride?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed, stretching his legs out in front of him, “I got busted for having pot in my car, so my folks took my car away.”

Elsa frowned. On second thought, maybe she shouldn’t relax. “They didn’t arrest you?”

Billy laughed. “The cops didn’t bust me, my parents did. You think I’d be wearing this uniform if I got in trouble with drugs? Not that I do the hard stuff, mind you, and the only reason I had that much pot was for my buddy’s party.” His mouth opened slightly and his eyes widened as if he just realized something. “Wait, you’re real religious, aren’t you? I’m sorry, guess you don’t party like that.”

She smiled uncomfortably, “No, not really.”

“Hey, that’s cool,” he nodded. “I respect that, totally.”

Elsa clasped her hands in front of her, staring at her lap. When would Liam finally get here? She sat there next to Billy in awkward silence for several minutes. Finally, he cleared his throat in a way that set her on edge.

“Listen, I know you’re totally out of my league, but I was hoping –“

“My ride!” she blurted out, surging to her feet. She grabbed her cheer bag and dashed for Liam’s car even though he hadn’t even pulled into the space yet.

“Hey!” Billy shouted after her. “I wanna get your number!”

Elsa hated to be rude, so she rattled out the number as fast as she could.

“Wait,” Billy said, a pen poised over a scrap of paper on his knee, “I didn’t catch that!”

Elsa ignored him, jumping in the passenger seat and slamming the door. “Drive,” she instructed Liam without any preamble.

Liam narrowed his eyes, first at her, and then at the scrawny teenager sitting on the school steps. “Was that jerk bothering you?”

“No,” Elsa replied in frustration, waving her hand at the steering wheel, “will you please just drive!”

Liam shook his head, but put the car in reverse and pulled out anyway. Elsa didn’t even dare look back out the window at poor Billy as she instructed Liam to step on it. Only when Liam turned onto Pierce Street did Elsa sag in relief against her seat.

“Do you mind telling me what that was all about?” Liam snapped. “And isn’t your car still at the school?”

Elsa massaged her forehead. “I’ll have Dad come pick it up later, or have it towed. And it was nothing, that guy was just asking for my number.”

“So tell him to get lost.”

Elsa dropped her hand to look at Liam incredulously. “I don’t want to be mean.”

Liam shook his head and frowned. “It’s not mean to tell a guy you’re not interested.”

Elsa sighed deeply as she rested her forehead against the window. She watched the scenery of their small town roll past; the tall sails of boats bobbing in the harbor, the quaint Cape Cod style homes nestled along the waterfront. She rubbed at her chest, at the pressure she felt there so often. Would this weight ever lift from her?

“Hey,” Liam said, breaking the silence, “I’m hungry. You eaten yet?”

“No.”

“Then let’s get dinner at Granny’s. My treat.” He sent a smile her way, and she returned it.

“That sounds great.”

              ******************************************************

Elsa was impressed with what Ruby’s grandmother had done with the diner. It had a clear retro vibe with its red vinyl booths, black and white checkered floors, and a jukebox in the back. Ruby had told her that she waitressed a lot since they just opened, but Elsa didn’t see her new friend anywhere tonight.

“Wow,” Liam commented as a freckle faced sixteen year old seated them, “this place is packed.”

Elsa nodded her agreement as she gazed around at the place. There were a lot of college kids and high schoolers, but there were also families with young kids and even a table full of older gentlemen who looked like they’d just come in from a fishing trip. Elsa picked up the laminated menu and perused the typical diner fare.

“Can I go ahead and get your drinks?” the waiter asked.

“Aye, I’ll have a coke.”

Elsa smiled at the way his British accent still colored his words, even after all these years. “A diet coke for me,” she told the young man, and he hurried off.

“Is it okay if I use the loo?” Liam asked, hitching his thumb over his shoulder.

Elsa couldn’t help it, her laughter rang out.

“What?” he asked, smiling that dimpled grin of his even as his forehead puckered with confusion.

Elsa waved her hand. “Your accent, that’s all. I’m just so glad you haven’t lost it.”

His eyes sparkled and a blush stained his cheeks. “Glad you approve.” He winked at her then and headed for the restrooms at the back of the diner.

Liam hadn’t been gone long when a deep voice startled her.

“Hey, I just had to ask. Are you a dancer?”

Elsa narrowed her eyes at the college guy who stood beside their booth. At least she assumed he was a college guy with his slightly wrinkled Alpha Kappa fraternity t-shirt.

“Uh, no.”

“Gymnast?”

Elsa glanced nervously towards the direction Liam had disappeared. “Well . . . um . . . I used to be. I’m a cheerleader.” _Why are you answering him?_ She admonished herself.

“I knew it,” he said, leaning forward with an eager grin, “with legs like that.”

Elsa’s face flamed, and she was too mortified to reply. The guy must have taken her blush as an invitation because he slid into the booth next to her.

“Hey, are you alone?”

“No. She isn’t.”

The frat boy turned around to see Liam glaring at him.

“Liam, hey!”

“How old are you again, Ben?” he asked without acknowledging the greeting. He crossed his arms over his chest and pinned the other college guy with blazing eyes.

The guy - Ben, apparently - furrowed his brow in confusion. “22. Look, what’s with you, man?”

Liam dropped his arms at his sides, but his hands were still balled in tight fists. “Well she’s 16, pervert.”

“Woah, okay,” Ben replied quickly, lifting both hands in a placating gesture, “Look man, I didn’t know. She looks . . . older.”

“Well, she’s not, so leave her alone.”

Elsa glanced nervously around them, mortified when she saw that Liam’s reaction was causing a bit of a scene. “Li – am,” she hissed under her breath, but he didn’t even glance her way. He was still staring down Ben.

“I was just talking to her,” Ben snapped, rising from the booth and going toe to toe with Liam. “What are you, her boyfriend? Cuz last time I checked, that was still illegal.”

Liam visibly flinched at the words, his face tinging red. “I’m not her boyfriend, I’m her . . . brother.”

Ben scrutinized Liam’s face for a moment, then rolled his eyes. “Okay then, sorry dude,” as he walked away, he mumbled, “see you around campus, Superman.”

When Ben got back to his table, his face was red, his hands gesturing in frustration back to where she and Liam sat. His friends all stared, causing Elsa’s face to turn even redder than before as she slid down farther in the booth. She glanced over at Liam as he collapsed wearily in the seat across from her.

“You’re not my brother, Liam,” she whispered softly to him.

“Believe me,” he told her, lifting a shaking hand to his forehead, “I know.”

 

**September 2002**

Elsa’s eyes were closed, the breeze tugging at her hair, the surf a comforting rhythm in her ears. She curled her toes into the wet sand as the tide rushed in over her ankles. She opened her eyes and took in the beauty all around her, then she lifted her camera and began to capture the images she loved most. Many people waxed eloquently about the long stretches of sand on the Florida coast, but Elsa much preferred the pebbly beaches of Maine. Where else could a person soak in the beauty of the surf on one side, and imposing forests of fir trees on the other? There was something so rugged and untouched about the place she called home, and it made her never want to live anywhere else.

Elsa turned and walked farther down the beach, closer to the craggier part of the coastline. She clambered atop a large boulder, getting great shots of the foamy spray hitting the rocks all around her. She sat down then, pulling her knees up to her chest and letting the camera around her neck rest in her lap. She took a deep breath as she looked far, far out to sea, squinting to try and make out where the sky met the water. How could all of this grandeur and beauty not make a person think about God?

She pulled her camera up to her knees to try and capture not only what she was seeing, but how it made her feel. She frowned at the screen on her camera as she scrolled through all the shots. Nothing seemed to convey the beauty before her.

A particularly large wave splashed against the rocks around her, sending a foamy spray of chilly water over her legs. The sun was dipping below the horizon; she had better hurry back to where she left her car. After scrambling from the rocks, she made her way down the sandy stretch of beach.

She had wandered farther from her car than she had realized, and by the time she caught sight of it in the distance, it was already starting to get dark. Her heart thumped in her chest when she saw a figure closer to the surf striding quickly her way. Yet her slight panic was short lived as he drew closer. She would recognize those broad shoulders, that square jawline, that mop of curly hair anywhere. A smile curled her lips.

“Liam,” she exclaimed once she drew close enough, her steps light as her camera swung at her side, “what are you doing here?”

“Checking on you,” he replied, and now that she was standing right in front of him, she could see the crease in his brow and the clenched muscle in his jaw. “I saw your car over there, but you were nowhere in sight.”

She chuckled as she lifted her camera. “I was just getting some shots of the beach and the water, worry wart.”

His face didn’t relax. “Alone? With it getting dark?”

Elsa rolled her eyes. His protectiveness was most often sweet, but at times it drove her crazy. “It wasn’t dark when I started. I just lost track of time.”

He pursed his lips for a moment, but then seemed to pick up on her slight irritation. His face relaxed and his shoulders, which had been hunched practically to his ears, lowered. “Good,” was all he said as he put an arm around her and pulled her close. They stayed that way, neither speaking as they walked across the sand and back to Elsa’s car. Liam’s dark blue pickup was parked directly behind it, and she wondered why she hadn’t noticed the familiar vehicle before.

Elsa put her camera carefully back into its case and slid it underneath the front passenger seat. It was a nice, expensive camera that her father had gotten for her last Christmas, and she always worried about someone snatching it from her car. She shut the door and turned to Liam, crossing her arms against the sudden chill in the night air.

“Well, thanks for checking on me.”

Liam nodded, then looked out at the waves which were now drawing close to high tide. Then his gaze tilted up towards the now dark sky.

“It’s a clear night. You can see all the stars.” He turned his gaze upon her, smiling that trademark Jones smile. The one that was half-smirk and showed off his dimples. The one that always made her heart flip in her chest.

              All she could do was nod. How was it that this man could still leave her speechless when she had known him almost her whole life? He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. She swallowed thickly as her pulse quickened.

              “Still know all the constellations I taught you?” he asked her softly.

              “Of course I do. You were a good teacher.”

              He dropped his hand which was still hovering by her cheek and shoved it into his pocket. Then he nudged her shoulder with his, putting them firmly back in the friend zone. “It’s a good night for stargazing. What do you say we stay out here a bit longer?”

              Elsa’s stomach answered for her as it growled and she laughed easily. The thing about secretly loving someone half your life was you didn’t embarrass easily around them. Liam joined in her laughter.

              “How about we swing by Granny’s for some food, _then_ stargaze?” he suggested.

              “Sounds like a plan,” she readily agreed.

              Liam, ever the gentleman, opened the door for her so she could climb into his truck. When they got to Granny’s, he ran inside for the takeout while she waited in the truck. She didn’t even have to give him her order: bacon cheeseburger with no mayo, no tomatoes and an order of fries. When they got back to the beach, they sat in the bed of his pickup, talking and laughing as they ate. At school, Elsa always felt uncomfortable around the opposite sex. Guys never seemed to just talk in normal conversations; it was always a game of flirtatious banter that Elsa had never mastered. But with Liam, she could be herself and just _talk_.

              Once they finished eating, Liam gathered up all the trash from their meal and tossed it into the nearest receptacle. Then he found a blanket tucked in the back of the extended cab and spread it out in the truck bed. If this had been a date with some guy she didn’t know well, Elsa would have seen it as an attempt at seduction. But this was Liam, her friend, and this wasn’t a date. She lay back, completely at ease, her arm tucked under her head as she gazed up at the sky above, winking and sparkling with vivid stars. Liam lay down next to her, and they both remained silent, the only sound the surf pounding the shore.

              “Okay, Arendelle, time for your test,” he teased after several quiet minutes had passed.

              “Capricorn,” Elsa told him, pointing at each group of stars as she named them, “Aquila, Cygnus, Pavo.”

              “Those are the easy ones,” he scoffed, poking her in the ribs until she giggled. “What about Delphinus?”

              Elsa reached her arm up again, tracing the dolphin shape with her finger.

              “Equuleus? Sagitta?”

              Elsa easily pointed out the horse and the arrow as well. The she turned to Liam smugly and said, “Vulpecula,” then reached up and traced the shape of the fox.

              Liam laughed, free and easy, and when Elsa turned her head back towards him, he seemed to search her face intently. Then he bit his lip with a troubled look in his eyes and turned back towards the starry sky.

              “My father taught me all the constellation, you know,” he told her. Not that he hadn’t told her this before. Was there anything the two of them hadn’t shared? She sometimes felt he knew her better than even her parents or Anna.

              “But it’s been a very, very long time since he took Killian and I out on the water,” he continued sadly. “My brother says it’s because he works too much.”

              Elsa gazed at Liam’s profile. His mouth was turned down into a frown. “Maybe he’s right,” she finally said.

              Liam’s frown deepened and that crease formed between his brows. “But he’s doing the Lord’s work. Sacrifices must be made . . . “

              Elsa wasn’t sure what to say to that. People at church always spoke that way; that a pastor’s family was called to serve. It was what she had been taught, so how could she question it? And yet . . .

              “Does a child really understand that?” She whispered the words, almost as if pondering them out loud.

              “Killian never did, that’s for sure,” Liam sighed. “He says that’s one of the reasons he stopped going to church.”

              He reached down and found Elsa’s hand. He pressed his palm to hers, then laced their fingers together. She remembered the first time he had done so, back when they were teenagers. She had read more into it then. Now here they were, years later, and she knew it was just the gesture of a dear friend. Brotherly, probably, in Liam’s eyes.

              “I know you worry about him.” It was all she could think to say.

              “I just wish he could find his way back. Like the prodigal son in the parable.” Liam reached up with his free hand to run his fingers through his hair. “He’s so . . . depressed.”

              Elsa squeezed his hand. “This is a hard time of year for him. Milah’s birthday, the anniversary of the accident . . . “

              “I know. It’s hard for all of us.”

              He released her hand and shifted onto his side. His mouth was open, as if he were about to speak, but then he seemed to freeze. Elsa smiled tentatively up at him. His expression softened, and he reached out again to tuck that same stubborn piece of hair out of her face. This time, his hand lingered on her cheek, his thumb brushing across her lower lip. His gaze flickered there. Elsa swallowed, a buzz sounding in her ears, drowning out the sound of the surf. Liam leaned closer, his gaze lifting from her lips to her eyes. He blinked, then jerked away from her. Elsa pressed her eyes closed, swallowing down a groan of frustration.

              “I should get you home,” he muttered as he practically leapt out of the truck.

              Elsa sat up, but made no move to leave. “Why do you do that?” she demanded, her gaze following Liam as he moved towards the driver’s side of the vehicle. He paused at her question, right beside where she sat in the truck bed. She shifted closer, resting one arm against the edge of the truck, and reaching the other out to grasp Liam’s bicep.

              “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, avoiding her gaze.

              “Yes, I think you do.” She took a deep breath. For ages, she had avoided directly addressing what was between them, terrified that if she did, it would drive him away. He turned to face her, grasping the edge of the truck with both hands. Even now, if he leaned a bit towards her, their lips would meet.

              “Okay,” he said stubbornly, “what is it, then?”

              “Why do you always stop right before you kiss me?”

              The ensuing silence and the widening of his eyes sent a trickle of fear down Elsa’s spine. What if she had been reading everything wrong this whole time? What if he had never been tempted to kiss her at all?

              Finally, he spoke. “You’re too young.” The feeble way he said it gave Elsa a dose of courage.

              “Liam Jones, I am twenty years old. You can’t use that excuse anymore.”

              He stepped away and crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. “I’m taking you home. Now.”

              Elsa sighed and scrambled out of the bed of his pickup. Without so much as glancing his way, she marched resolutely to her four door sedan.

              “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he called out after her.

              Elsa smirked before spinning towards him. Liam Jones didn’t cuss.

              “I drove here, remember?” She tossed her hair over one shoulder and tilted her chin.

              “Oh,” Liam grumbled, “I forgot. Well, I’m following you to make sure you get there okay.”

              “Fine,” she snapped as she pulled the door open. The only reply she got was Liam slamming his own door. She sighed deeply as she started the ignition. Liam Jones was the most infuriating man in the world.

              And she couldn’t live without him.

             

             

             

 

 

 


	4. Knocks on Your Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I know I usually have both timelines in each chapter, but this one started to get so long, that I decided to post the high school section on its own. With God Bless the Broken Road, I wasn't on tumblr so the insanely long chapters were no big deal, but now that I AM posting on there too , it's an issue.  
> *I almost cried writing this chapter. It's intense, ya'll. What happens to Elsa is a real thing, and it's called sexual coercion. I started following the blog by @ispokeup on tumblr. She is a survivor of sexual assault, and she started a blog as a safe space for other survivors, a space for her to tell her story, and a space for educating people. This chapter is based on an experience that ispokeup shared on her blog. It really inspired me how brave she was to share it. Go support her blog if you are on tumblr!

**October 1998**

The day was overcast and gray, making Elsa’s English classroom darker than usual as the TV at the front flickered, casting splashes of colored light over her classmate’s faces. Elsa frowned as she absentmindedly yanked at the little bits of torn paper sticking out of her spiral bound notebook. The video they were watching had her on edge.

              Elsa Arendelle hated Halloween. She loved _fall_ ; the crisp air, the brightly colored leaves, bonfires, and her mother’s pumpkin bread. But Halloween? She was a wimp when it came to anything remotely scary, and she honestly breathed a sigh of relief when November 1st rolled around.

              Unfortunately, few people seemed to share her sentiments. Including her English teacher, who had put together an entire unit on gothic literature for their American Lit class. The video they were watching was all about fear and why it was human nature to perversely enjoy its thrill.

              _Not me_. Elsa inwardly argued, wincing as the woman in _The Shining_ screamed as an ax broke through the door. The video had covered Nathanial Hawthorne, Edgar Allan Poe, and William Faulkner. Now that the topic was Stephen King, she really hoped the video was drawing to an end.

              Mercifully, the video showed a final montage of macabre images with quotes from various American gothic authors, and then their teacher was flipping the lights back on. She seemed positively gleeful about the entire thing as she led them in a discussion of the video’s various points. Then she paired them up to discuss last night’s reading assignment.

              The guy who sat behind Elsa turned and scooted his desk around next to hers, a cocky grin on his face. She returned his smile hesitantly. His name was Ryan, and he had moved to Storybrooke last year after his parents’ divorce. He seemed nice enough, even if he was an incurable flirt. He acted a lot like Killian did around girls, so she really didn’t take it too seriously. After all, Killian was actually sweet and surprisingly a gentleman beneath all his bravado, so surely she could give Ryan the benefit of the doubt.

              Right?

              “I sure lucked out with my partner,” Ryan said to her, flashing a charming smile, “I’ve been wanting an excuse to talk to you more.”

              “Why?”

              Elsa inwardly berated herself; this was why guys thought she was cold and unapproachable. Most girls would have said . . . well, something flirty. What that would be, Elsa had no idea.

              “Because,” he said, his smile not faltering in the least from her straightforward question, “you’re so shy and such a good student. I haven’t really gotten to know you yet.”

              “Oh,” Elsa said as she picked at the corner of her literature textbook. She wracked her brain for something witty to say but came up empty. Her eyes landed on the story open in front of her. “So, ‘A Rose for Emily’ . . . “

              Ryan’s brow furrowed as he lowered his gaze to his own textbook, “Right, the story, well I honestly thought he could have just gotten to the point. I mean, if I knew the old woman was sleeping with a corpse the whole time, I wouldn’t have kept dozing off.”

              Elsa wrinkled her nose. “Are you serious? I had a hard time going to sleep!”

              Ryan chuckled as he brushed his brown hair out of his eyes. “You’re cute, you know that?”

              Elsa blushed furiously and once again found herself tongue-tied.

              “Am I making you nervous?”

 

              “Um . . . “ Elsa shifted just a hair to her right away from Ryan, “no, of course not. I just . . . we need to answer all these questions.” She tapped her pencil on her open textbook for emphasis.

              Ryan sighed. “Okay. Guess that’s why you make the good grades.”

              Elsa had a feeling it wasn’t a compliment. Oh well, she had been getting grief about being one of the “smart kids” since the first grade. It was one of the reasons she and Tiana had become friends so quickly when the Sabine’s moved to Storybrooke from New Orleans. Tiana _owned_ being smart, and she encouraged Elsa to as well. Ryan didn’t tease her, though, and they worked through the questions together. He was no slacker, having obviously read the story, for one. Elsa usually hated being paired up in class because nine times out of ten, she was the only one who had read the assignment. But Ryan also had thoughtful opinions on some of the questions. Why did so many kids her age pretend they weren’t smart?

They finished earlier than everyone else, and Ryan shut his book and leaned towards her again. “So, what are your plans for Halloween?”

              Elsa shrugged. “Handing out candy to trick or treaters, probably,”

              “You got a costume for that?”

              Elsa thought of the Supergirl costume she had bought on a whim at the party store and blushed. “Yeah.”

              “Great! Then instead, come to a party with me.” He brushed his fingers against the back of her hand, and she had to force herself not to pull away. _It’s just innocent flirting, Elsa._

A familiar voice next to her barked out a laugh, and she turned to see Killian smirking in his seat across the aisle from her. “Elsa? At a Halloween party? Or any party for that matter . . .”

              Elsa glowered at him. “Shut up, Kil.” She emphasized the final “l” to not so subtly let him know she could add a “y” and easily embarrass him. Why had she encouraged him to transfer into this class? Every time Ryan flirted with her – or attempted to, anyway – Killian had to pipe up with some uninvited commentary. He and Ryan didn’t get along, for reasons Elsa couldn’t figure out.

              Unfortunately, Killian wasn’t the least bit deterred. He leaned back in his desk and ticked items off his fingers as he spoke. “A, you _hate_ Halloween. B, you _hate_ crowds.”

              Ryan leaned over her to glare at Killian. “Listen, Jones, this isn’t the kind of party you and your slut of a girlfriend would go to.”

              Elsa pressed her eyes closed after seeing Killian’s blue eyes flash to cobalt.

              “What did you just call Milah?”

              “Ryan,” Elsa pleaded.

              “Hey dude, I’m sorry.”

              “You better be,” Killian hissed back, but when he saw Elsa pleading silently with her eyes to drop it, he deflated.

              Ryan rested a hand on Elsa’s shoulder. “All I’m trying to say is, this isn’t a wild party. Neal Cassidy is throwing it at his dad’s place.”

              “Neal Cassidy?” Killian spat. “Elsa, tell this guy to get lost. Cassidy’s bad news.”

              Ryan snorted. “You’re one to talk, Jones.” Then he turned to Elsa again. His eyes were soft and his expression was earnest. “Do you really think Senator Gold’s gonna let shit go down at his house, especially with minors? And if you get uncomfortable, we’ll just leave and go get burgers or something.”

              Elsa was torn. Part of her would rather just stay at home and hand out candy. But maybe her sister was right, maybe she needed to be more social. She would be a senior next year, after all, and then high school would be over. She didn’t want to have regrets.

              “Elsa Arendelle doesn’t go to parties, Ryan.”

              And that was all it took. She glowered first at Killian, then turned a bright grin towards Ryan. “Actually, I think it sounds fun.”

              Ryan’s blue eyes lit up excitedly just as the bell rang. He gathered his books and shoved his desk back behind hers. “Okay, well, I’ll pick you up Saturday night at seven. You said you’ve already got a costume, right? I was planning on going as James Bond. Is that okay?”

              Behind her, Elsa heard Killian snort.

“Sure, that sounds great,” she told Ryan, “see you then.”

Elsa was still getting her things together, so Ryan took off with a grin on his face. She shouldered her backpack and straightened to see Killian arching an eyebrow at her.

“What?” she snapped defensively.

“I can’t believe you’re going to a Halloween party just to prove me wrong.”

Elsa crossed her arms in front of her. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you jump three feet in the air when people round a corner without announcing their presence first.”

Elsa rolled her eyes as she headed out the door. “You’re overdramatizing . . . as usual.”

“The guy’s a jerk too, you know that, right?” Killian asked as he fell in step beside her.

“I think he seems nice.”

“If he was really nice, he would have coordinated his costume with yours. Like I did with Milah.” Killian shrugged. “It seems small, but those are the things you look for.”

“Oh God, don’t start,” she practically gagged. “I don’t need more of the Killian and Milah epic romance channel.”

He chuckled and winked before heading off down a separate hall, no doubt to meet Milah and walk her to class. “What can I say? Not all guys can be the charming romantic.”

“You’re full of it, Killian Jones!” she shouted after him.

Without turning around, he lifted his right arm and shot her a bird. She shook her head. Preacher’s kids . . .

              *******************************************************

Elsa tugged nervously on the skirt of her Supergirl costume. When she picked it out, she was thinking of opening the door for trick or treaters, not going on a date. She hadn’t really considered that the skirt was even shorter than her cheerleading uniform, the spandex fabric was incredibly tight, and the v neck showed quite a bit of her cleavage. She seriously doubted Kara Danvers could fight crime in this thing without her boobs falling out. Why were Halloween costumes so irritatingly sexist?

She sighed. There wasn’t anything she could do it about it now.

“Oh my God, you look so hot!”

Elsa startled as her sister bounded into the room, dressed like Ginger Spice. Speaking of sexy costumes . . .

“Seriously, Anna, has Dad seen you?”

Anna just crossed her arms over the skin tight union jack mini dress and tapped her knee high red boots. “You are looking in the mirror, right sis?”

Well, Elsa couldn’t really argue with that. At least Milah was going as Posh and not her sister; that costume was even more scandalous. Anna and her friends were going as pop groups, the girls as the Spice Girls and the boys as N’Sync.

“Please make sure you get a picture of Killian in a curly bleach blonde wig.”

Anna laughed and hugged her, their stand-off from just seconds ago forgotten. “You bet I will.”

When her sister pulled away, Elsa grasped her shoulders and gave her an intense look. “Please be careful. And call me if there’s anything that makes you feel uncomfortable?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “It’s just a bonfire with my friends on the beach. I’m more worried about you going to that mansion Neal Cassidy lives in.”

Elsa fiddled with the bottom of her red polyester cape. She was nervous too, though she couldn’t put her finger on why. Maybe because her currently wild little sister and her wild friends didn’t like this clique of Ryan’s. What did that say? But before Elsa could say anything, a car honked outside, and Anna’s friends were shouting for her.

“Bye!” Anna giggled. She paused in the doorway. “I am proud of you for having a little fun for once, though.” Then her sister was gone in her usual whirlwind of boisterous energy.

              ********************************************************

Elsa rubbed her arms as Ryan led her into the huge foyer of the Gold mansion. It was unseasonably warm for October in Maine, but the sky was cloudy threatening rain. She was regretting her decision to go without a jacket.

“Chilly?” Ryan asked, draping an arm around her shoulder and rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

Elsa’s first instinct was nervousness, but Ryan’s smile seemed genuine, and she _was_ shivering. She relaxed a bit and returned his smile. “I’m sure I’ll warm up now that we’re inside.”

He kept his arm around her as he led her into the room. He did look very handsome in his tailored tux as James Bond. She could tell it was the real deal and not a costume, and when she had asked him about it, he said he had worn it when he was in his cousin’s wedding. With his arm around her, she could feel the strength in his arms and the tightness of his abs. He wasn’t broad like Liam, but he was still muscular. Why did Liam’s strength make her feel safe while Ryan’s made her feel nervous? She took deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth, inwardly lecturing herself to relax. She was a teenager; she was supposed to be dating and going to parties.

Hip hop music thumped through the main room of the house, and teenagers were dancing enthusiastically in pairs and in groups. Elsa’s palms suddenly started to sweat. Ryan would expect her to dance, but she had never done the bumping and grinding that she saw all the other girls engaging in to the beat of a Missy Elliott song. She would feel ridiculous even trying.

Ryan let go of her to bump fists with some of his friends, and he introduced her to everyone. She recognized Neal Cassidy from school. He was dressed as Ghostface from the movie _Scream_ , but the creepy mask was shoved up on top of his head.

“Hey,” he said to her, his gaze lingering on her chest for a beat before meeting her eyes, “never would have believed Ryan could actually do it. Nice costume, too.”

Elsa’s brow furrowed. “Do what?”

Ryan chuckled and punched Neal in the shoulder. “Leave her alone, man, she’s shy.” Then he moved behind her and wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her close. “Ignore these guys, Elsa.”

His arms were a little close to her breasts for her complete comfort, but she didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his friends. She took a few more deep breaths, but the room felt way too crowded all of a sudden.

“Hey Neal,” a blonde cooed as she came up and gave him a side hug. She was dressed in a tight white dress and wings like Claire Daines in _Romeo + Juliet_. She pouted up at Neal as he snaked one arm around her. “I thought you promised to dance with me?”

“Yeah, Katie, I did,” he then turned to fist bump Ryan again. “Catch you jerks later.”

Ryan leaned over Elsa’s shoulder, his lips brushing her ear. “Wanna dance too?”

She swallowed hard as she watched Katie thrust her hips towards Neal as they danced with her hands up over her head. She was biting her lower lip and batting her lashes like a sexy pro. Elsa wasn’t even sure she _wanted_ to act like that with Ryan, and even if she did, she would never look like Katie.

“Um . . . actually I’m thirsty.”

“Okay,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Beer?”

Elsa’s mouth fell open as she blinked rapidly. “Beer? But I thought you said this wasn’t a wild party.”

Ryan laughed as if she was a five year old. “Beer isn’t a wild party drink, Elsa.”

“But . . . we’re all underage . . . “

He laughed again in that condescending way. “God, you’re naïve. It’s almost cute. But don’t worry, Neal’s dad hired drivers for anyone who needs a ride home.”

She ducked her head. “I’d rather just have a Diet Coke.”

“Don’t worry, kid, they’ve got that too.” He fiddled with her ponytail, his fingers tracing her neck as he let the strands slip between his fingers. “I’ll go get you some.”

Elsa grasped his hand as she remembered Aurora teaching her girl’s Bible study group about date rape. _Never take an open drink from a guy,_ she had told them. “I’ll come with you.”

Ryan didn’t seem to think her request was odd. He laced their fingers together and pulled her along to a table along the far wall. Big tubs filled with ice lined the tables, some filled with cans of beer and others with cans of soda. Ryan handed her an unopened Diet Coke and she took it with relief, popping the tab herself and sipping it as she looked around the room. “Lump” by The Presidents of the United States of America was playing, and the dancing had become more of a bouncing mosh pit. She didn’t mind then when Ryan pulled her out to join everyone, her drink still in her hand. She actually laughed as she jumped up and down with everyone else. This she could handle.

“Just a Girl” by No Doubt played next, and Elsa found herself dancing with abandon with a group of girls she knew vaguely from school. Ryan was by the drink table again, sipping on a Dr. Pepper as he watched her dance. She noticed a light of appreciation in his eyes, and she had to admit it made her feel almost . . . powerful. She smiled back at him, even arching her brow as she whipped her ponytail around.

Usher’s “Nice and Slow” came on then, and Ryan abandoned his drink and walked quickly towards her. He grabbed her waist and pulled her close as he swayed his hips. She blushed furiously and shook her head. Everyone was pressing against everyone else as they rocked against their partners on the dance floor. The heat pounded in her head, and she blindly began to push away from Ryan and off the dance floor. She practically ran to an open window and leaned against it. It had begun to rain, and a cool mist blew in across her face.

“Hey,” Ryan asked softly, putting a hand on her shoulder, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, just . . . “ God, how did she even explain this? “You said we could leave whenever I was ready, right?”

Ryan frowned, a flicker of irritation crossing his face. “We just got here.”

Elsa crossed her arms over her chest nervously. “It’s just so crowded in here.”

He grinned and ran his hand down her arm, tugging it free from where she hugged herself. “Then come with me.”

“Where are we going?” she asked hesitantly as he laced their fingers together and pulled her out of the living room.

“Just someplace quiet,” he told her.

He led them down a hallway, and at the very end, he pushed a door open. He ushered her in, his hand pressed to the small of her back. It wasn’t until she was inside that she realized it was a small bedroom. Through a door in the back corner she could see an open door that led to a small bathroom. She turned nervously towards Ryan, who stood with his hands behind his back, leaning against the door.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Ryan, but I’m not comfortable with this,” she told him, pushing him aside and grabbing the door handle. It wouldn’t open. Panic made her heart seize.

              Ryan reached out his hand and covered hers gently with his own. “Hey, calm down,” he assured in a soft voice. “I just didn’t want anyone bothering us, that’s all. It’s quiet here; we can talk.” He rubbed her hand gently with his thumb. He sounded so kind, the lines of his face soft and sincere.

              She let out a shaky breath. “Sorry I overreacted. I honestly just haven’t dated much.”

              “It’s okay,” he told her, cupping her cheek.

              He pulled her into the room and gestured for her to join him on the bed. She hesitated for a moment, but after looking around and seeing there was nowhere else to sit, she sat.

              “It’s kind of a small room for such a big house,” she commented, nervously twisting her hands in her Supergirl cape.

              “Must have been a servant’s room back in the day,” he muttered, as if he didn’t really care. She turned to find him closer than before, his gaze on her lips. He reached out to thread his fingers in her hair. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.

              She hadn’t been kissed since Derek, and her initial reaction was a jolt of fear. But Ryan’s lips moved on hers slowly, and she relaxed. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, and she let him. A thrill shot through her as his tongue swiped against her lips, and she was surprised when a small moan rose up in her throat. Ryan grinned against her lips.

              “You like that, do you?”

              That was when he shifted suddenly to a guy she didn’t recognize. He pressed against her, pushing her down on the bed. She pressed her palms to his chest, but he didn’t stop kissing her. She yanked her lips away and turned her head.

              “Ryan!” she said louder, and then he stopped.

              She looked up once again into the face of the nice guy from her lit class. He smiled tenderly down at her, thumbing her jaw. “Sorry I got carried away. I can’t help it. You’re so . . .”

              He started kissing her again, and Elsa tried to relax. _We’re just kissing. This isn’t the same as Derek._ But then Ryan’s hand grasped at her breasts, and she grabbed his wrist and pushed him away.

              “Come on, Elsa,” he groaned against her lips. “I saw the way you looked at me when you were dancing.”

              Elsa thought back to that moment. She _had_ been flirting and dancing in a pretty sexy way while he watched. Her brain played ping pong with her hormones as he continued to grope her, his body pressing heavier against her.

              “Ryan, just . . . give me minute.”

              He groaned, more exasperated this time. “I should have known you’d be immature about this. God, Elsa, we’re just having some fun.”

              She felt embarrassed then, stupid even. He started kissing her again, but she felt completely checked out from the situation. His hands were still groping her breasts as he began to kiss her neck. He pushed at the neckline of her costume, and Elsa gasped when he exposed one of her breasts. She sat up quickly, pushing him away and readjusting her clothes to cover herself.

              “Come on, baby,” he laughed, “what did you expect, showing all that cleavage?”

              “I want to leave,” she told him in a shaky voice, wrapping her arms protectively around herself.

              Ryan got angry then. “Are you seriously getting pissed over a make out session?”

              Tears pricked at her eyes. “You were starting to pull my clothes off.”

              His eyes hardened. “If I wanted to pull your clothes off, they’d be on the floor.”

              Elsa’s eyes widened, and she leapt from the bed. Ryan grabbed her before she could get to the door. She looked up at him, trembling all over as he rubbed her upper arms.

              “Don’t go,” he told her, his voice suddenly sweet again, “I didn’t mean anything by that. It’s just . . . you do realize most girls your age do this kind of stuff, right? I mean, I can tell you’re a virgin, but . . . seriously, Elsa?” He laughed. “I’ve been with twelve year olds who would have had my hand down their pants by now.”

              Elsa swallowed hard, disgust rising at his words. Fear threatened to overwhelm her. The door at her back was locked, and she had a sickening feeling that Ryan wouldn’t be taking her home any time soon.

              “I want to wait until I get married,” she said softly.

              Ryan practically guffawed at that. “I take it back, you’re not naïve. You’re stupid. Nobody waits anymore. You know how many girls in your youth group I’ve fucked?” He laughed again.

              Then he reached out and drew her close. It was the complete opposite of his words and his harsh laughter, and if Elsa hadn’t known better, it would have seemed tender.

              “Let me teach you how good it can be,” he whispered against her hair. “You want to know what to do, right?”

              Ryan bent his head to press his lips gently to hers again, but his kisses quickly turned rough without warning. His hands were groping everywhere. She was stumbling backwards and realized with sudden terror that he was pushing her back towards the bed.

              “Ryan,” she panted, breaking the kiss and forcing herself to sound aroused rather than terrified. She batted her lashes as she gazed up at him. “I _do_ want you to teach me, but I just need a few moments in the bathroom, okay?”

              He grinned in an almost feral way. “Now that’s my girl.”

              She waved flirtatiously as she sauntered towards the bathroom, keeping up the act even though her knees were practically knocking together. She shut the door, locked it, then collapsed against it. She closed her eyes for a moment as the room spun. _Pull yourself together, Elsa!_ She opened her eyes and gnawed on her lower lip and forced herself to think.

              She could hide out in the bathroom, but eventually, Ryan would start to wonder what was taking so long. She opened a door to her right, hoping maybe it was a jack and jill bath, but all she found was a linen closet. She paced, biting at her thumbnail. She pulled aside the curtain around the claw foot tub and was relieved to find a small window. It was a little high, but hopefully she could reach it. She climbed into the tub as quietly as she could, then turned to the window. She was just tall enough to get it open. It was another small miracle that it had no screen. Pulling herself up on the edge of the tub without making any noise was significantly harder and shimmying out the small window even more so. She groaned when her feet sank into mud below the window. The rain had turned into a torrent.

              She tiptoed around the back of the house, keeping low as she dashed past a row of French doors. Through them, she could see her costumed classmates. They were way too busy thrashing around to “Song 2” by Blur which pulsed through the glass doors to pay any attention to a soaked Supergirl tiptoeing through the hydrangea bushes.

              She knew Ryan following her was a ridiculous thought, yet as soon as she rounded the corner of the house, she ran as fast as she could down the drive to the road. _Now what?_ she asked herself as she headed down the street. It was probably a half hours walk home, which didn’t sound pleasant at all in the rain. Neal’s house was way too far away from the beach for her to go find Anna, and with the rain they had probably abandoned the bonfire a long time ago anyway.

              A block from Neal’s, she saw a frat house party that was spilling out onto the lawn. She had forgotten that they were near the college campus. She almost cried with relief. The person she always went to when she needed rescuing was only another block away.

                            ****************************************************

Elsa started to shiver as she waited on Liam’s front stoop. He opened the door with a bright grin and a big bowl of candy in his hands, but at the sight of her, his smile instantly fell and his forehead wrinkled with concern. She suddenly realized how ridiculous she probably looked. Soaking wet, hair plastered to her head, makeup probably running down her cheeks in rivulets. And dressed in a Supergirl costume.

              “Elsa?” his voice was laced with concern.

              “C-can I come in?” she asked, teeth chattering.

              He shook his head, obviously still confused, but he stepped back to let her in. “Of – of course.”

              Elsa’s face burned with embarrassment when she came in to see Liam’s living room packed with half a dozen college kids. They stared at her in surprise and curiosity.

              “I- I’m sorry,” she stuttered, her shivering intensifying, “I didn’t know you were having a party.”

              Liam shook his head as he set the bowl down on the kitchen counter. “It’s not a party. Just my small group from the Baptist Student Union. We’re watching scary movies and handing out candy to the tricker-treaters. Though the rain has made those pretty scarce . . . “

              He trailed off and palmed the back of his neck as he looked her up and down, his lips pressed together in a thin line. “Are you okay?”

              Elsa gave one quick shake of her head, blinking at the tears that threatened to spill over. A blood curdling scream sounded from the TV and Elsa quickly turned her gaze from the scene of a knife repeatedly plunging into some helpless college co-ed. “I’ve always hated scary movies,” she whispered.

              Liam put an arm around her and shifted her so her back was to the TV. “I know,” he whispered back. “Listen, you’re soaked and freezing. Go upstairs to my room and change into some of my sweats. First door on the right. Sweats are in the top drawer of my dresser.” He gave her back a gentle push. “I’ll give you a few minutes, and then I’ll be up.”

              Elsa nodded and followed his instructions wordlessly. When she was in the stairwell, Liam’s guests finally spoke.

              “Are you sure it’s a good idea to be alone in your room with her?” a girl asked.

              “Yeah,” another of Liam’s friends, a guy this time, agreed, “She seems pretty emotional.”

              Elsa paused wearily at the top of the stairs, her hand trembling against the railing. Emotional was something she normally avoided. Her throat constricted. The last thing she wanted to be was a bother to anyone. Maybe she should leave. Home was an awfully long walk from campus, especially in the rain, but she was starting to feel claustrophobic with shame for showing up here unannounced.

              “I appreciate your concern,” she heard Liam say, “but you don’t have to worry about me and Elsa. I’ve known her my whole life. Honestly, she’s my best friend.”

              Elsa’s shame and embarrassment suddenly turned to sheer joy. She had expected him to say that she was like a sister to him or to call her a kid, but he hadn’t. Best friend! Sure, she couldn’t deny that her heart longed for more, but she would take it for now.

              When she found Liam’s room, she pulled open the top dresser drawer to find sweatshirts and sweatpants folded in neat piles. She took out the ones on top that said “Storybrooke High PE Dept” and slipped into them. She was swimming in them, of course. She pulled on the drawstring of the sweatpants as far as they would go, and they still slipped down to the widest part of her hips. And they were so long, she had to pull them up so she wouldn’t trip. The sweatshirt was so big it reached to her thighs, and she had to bunch the arms up. It was really like trying to wear a blanket, which Elsa actually liked. She shuffled over to the bed and curled up on it in the fetal position, burying her nose in the collar of the sweatshirt. It smelled like Liam – a mixture of his Old Spice aftershave, saltwater, and chlorine from swim team practice. Killian teased him that only old guys used aftershave, but to Elsa it was the most comforting scent in the world.

              When Liam knocked, she scrambled up, pulling her knees to her chin and pressing her back against the headboard. When she called, “come in,” he entered almost hesitantly. He eased down on the bed next to her as if she might break.

              “Want to talk about it?”

              Elsa shook her head, dashing angrily at the tears that leaked from the corners of her eyes.

              Liam frowned. “You’re in tears and you’re shaking. Did someone hurt you?” His blue eyes flashed darkly and his jaw clenched. Part of her wanted to pour it all out to him, but a larger part was worried he would laugh at her.

              “I’m not hurt,” she muttered, her lips pressed to her knees.

              His long, silent gaze told her he didn’t completely believe that. He opened his mouth for a moment, and she glanced away, worried he would clarify the question. Because no, she wasn’t hurt _physically_ , but she had learned long ago how many ways a person could hurt. He finally took a deep breath and then smiled his big, dimpled grin.

              “Would chocolate help?”

              Elsa smiled tentatively. “Is my last name Arendelle?”

              He chuckled at that and patted her knee. “I’ll go get the bowl of Halloween candy. And while I’m gone, you can pick out a movie. I don’t really have any chick flicks, but I’m sure there’s something light over there. A comedy or something.”

              “Sounds nice.” For some reason her voicer wouldn’t come out higher than a whisper.

              Liam left and Elsa eased from the bed and went over to the entertainment center. The cabinet underneath the TV was filled with an assortment of video cassettes. It was a stereotypically male assortment of action flicks and political thrillers. Her only options seemed to be _The Sandlot_ or _Men in Black._ She chose the former because pint size males seemed a safer option. Plus, she knew it was one of Liam’s favorite movies. She slid it into the VCR and picked up the remote to fast forward the previews. By the time Liam returned with the candy, the movie was starting. He settled in next to her, the bowl between them.

              But Elsa wasn’t really paying attention to the movie or the candy. She nibbled a Kit-Kat as the boys on the screen teased Smalls for not being able to catch a baseball. When Smalls’ stepdad accidentally gave the boy a black eye, she tossed aside the candy, snatched the remote, and paused the movie. Liam made no sound of protest.

              Elsa pulled her knees up to her chest again, and asked in a small voice, “What sexual stuff have you done and when?”

              That got a response. Liam choked on the Reese’s cup he had just bitten into. “What?”

              Elsa let out a shaky sigh, “I mean, my date tonight said I was stupid and naïve. That everyone does stuff. Everyone messes around. And if I knew anything at all, I wouldn’t be planning to wait. You know, for sex.”

              Her face burned and she pressed her face against her knees, shutting her eyes tight. She could hear Liam’s breathing in the quiet room.

              “Elsa,” he finally said, “I’m 18, and I’m still a virgin. I know other kids at the BSU who have made the same decision. That guy was just wanting to get you to do stuff. And to call you names like that? To try and pressure you into things you don’t want to do? That makes him a jerk.”

              “But . . . have you done stuff?” Elsa pressed. She didn’t want to know, but at the same time she _had_ to know if Ryan was right.

              “What do you mean? Like, yeah, I’ve kissed girls and it’s gotten intense, but . . . “ he trailed off, running a hand wearily down his face. “God, I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this.”

              Elsa finally managed to look at him. She gave him a wobbly smile. “Well, you did say I’m your best friend.”

              He grinned back. “You heard that?” She nodded, and he thumbed her chin. “Well,” he told her, “it’s true.” He frowned. “But I’m not sure what you want me to tell you.”

              Elsa swallowed nervously as she picked at Liam’s sweatpants. “Like . . . did you ever . . . put your hands down a girl’s pants?”

              Liam’s eyes widened and his face turned bright red. He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Um . . . no, I’ve never gone that far.”

              Elsa let out a long breath of relief. “Ryan said he knew twelve year olds who would let him do that.” Her voice was back to a whisper.

              “What!” Liam snapped. “You mean he –“

              Elsa waved her hand in the air. “No, I wouldn’t let him.”

              “But he tried?” Liam asked, his voice angry and low.

              Elsa felt her chest constrict and tears rise up. “No. But he tried to pull my costume off. I pushed his hand away. That’s when he laughed and said I was making a big deal over nothing. Said he’d been with twelve year olds who, well, you know . . .”

              “Okay, I take it back. He’s not a jerk. He’s a pervert. A twelve year old, Elsa? How old is this guy?”

              “16. So it’s legal.”

              “I don’t care!” Liam ran a hand through his hair. He moved the bowl of candy to the foot of the bed and inched closer to Elsa. “Love, I need you to tell me. Why did you walk over here in the rain?”

              Elsa’s breaths started coming in gasps. Liam put his arm around her.

              “He . . . locked the door. But, I chose to go in that room, so . . . “ her face was hot and it was getting harder to breathe. “It’s not like he was forcing himself on me. He just . . . kept laughing when I said no. So . . . I pretended I had to go to the bathroom. And I climbed out the window.”

              Liam made a choking sound, and she was shocked when she looked up and saw a tear sliding down his cheek. He gathered her up, cradling her in his lap.

              “God, why does this keep happening? First Derek –“

              “Don’t talk about Derek,” Elsa warned, voice rising.

              “We _have_ to talk about it –“

              “I’m not kidding, Liam,” she pushed away from him and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her heart pounded, the room spun, and her lungs felt incapable of filling with air.

              “Elsa –“ he started.

              “I can’t breathe,” Elsa gasped.

              “What?” he asked in alarm.

              Elsa grabbed at her chest. “My heart . . . I, I can’t breathe.”

              Liam leapt from the bed and before Elsa knew what was happening, he had scooped her up into his arms. Her breaths were coming out in raspy wheezes now. He raced her down the stairs. _I’m dying_. She thought as spots swam before her eyes.

              “Something’s wrong!” Liam shouted to his friends as he lowered her gently to the couch, sending several of his friends scattering in the process.

              Elsa’s heart beat triple time, skittering erratically in her chest as six college kids gathered around her. One took her pulse. One raced to the phone and dialed 911. The room tilted crazily. Sobs choked out of her, which only made it that much harder to breathe. She wanted to yell at everyone to go away.

              She heard the siren of an ambulance outside, and then a paramedic was leaning over her. He shined lights in her eyes, checked her blood pressure, and pressed a stethoscope to her chest. As he did, he asked her questions. Had she been drinking? Did she take anything? Could someone at the party have slipped something in her drink? She answered all with a frustrating “no.” The paramedic eased her up to a sitting position.

              “You’re not having a heart attack,” he told her gently, “you’re having a panic attack.”

              Elsa shook her head, “Wh-what?” she gasped out, “but I still can’t breathe.”

              “I know,” he said patiently, “the physical affects are very real, but I promise you aren’t dying. Now, close your eyes.”

              Elsa was terrified, and utterly humiliated, but she obeyed.

              “Now, breathe in so you fill your lungs all the way up. Now release the air. Don’t push it out, just let it out slowly.” The paramedic walked her through several long, tedious breathing exercises, until finally her heart stopped pounding and her breaths came slow and easy. “Thatta girl,” he told her, rubbing her arm gently.

              The paramedic stood and talked in low voices to Liam, and then left. Elsa for a moment thought the panic attack might start all over again as she realized seven people, six of whom she didn’t even know, were all staring at her.

              “Please,” she begged, her lower lip trembling, “please don’t tell anyone about this.”

              The college kids all exchanged smiles. “Of course we won’t,” one girl assured her.

              Another girl kneeled beside the couch and took Elsa’s hands in hers. “It’s a rule that nothing leaves small group. And since you’re Liam’s friend, that applies to you too.”

              Everyone nodded in agreement, then Elsa was shocked when they gathered around her and prayed for her. The three girls in the gathering then hugged her and told her to get their numbers from Liam if she ever wanted to talk. Elsa swallowed back more tears. Why couldn’t high school be like this?

              Liam extended his hand. “Come on, let me take you home.”

                             **************************************************

              Elsa was curled in a ball against the passenger side door when Liam parked his car in her driveway. Before turning off the ignition, he turned to her.

              “We have to tell your parents what happened.”

              Elsa’s eyes grew wide, and she felt that old familiar pressure on her chest. “No! You can’t!”

              Liam shook his head. “What choice do we have? I’m bringing you home wearing my sweats, and your hair is all wet! Not to mention I gave your insurance card to the paramedics. Your parents will be getting the bill sooner or later.”

              Elsa rubbed at her face, hands trembling. “But . . . you can’t tell them about what happened with Ryan.”

              “I think we should,” Liam argued, “and what happened two years ago in the church parking lot.”

              Elsa’s anger flared at that. “Liam Jones, you promised me!”

              He shook his head. “Maybe I shouldn’t have made that promise. Elsa, you had a panic attack tonight. I think you might need to get help.”

              “Help?” Elsa flinched as if he’d slapped her. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

              “I didn’t say that, love,” he argued, reaching out to cup her cheek. Elsa slapped his hand away.

              “Please, Liam, I’m begging you to keep your promise. My parents have enough to deal with right now. And besides, I’ve probably made a bigger deal out of everything than I should.”

              “I’m not so sure about that. We need to talk –“

              “I’m not talking about it!” her voice was loud and hysterical.

              Liam lifted both hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay. We won’t talk about it anymore. But your parents –“

              “Tell them I was uncomfortable at the party because there was drinking. My date refused to take me home, so I walked to your place. I got wet in the rain, so I borrowed your sweats. Then we watched a movie. And your small group was there. All of that is true.”

              “And the ambulance?”

              Elsa gnawed on her lip. She didn’t want to lie. “Tell the truth. I had a panic attack. Because of having to walk alone in the dark in the rain. That would give anyone a panic attack, right? Especially on Halloween.” The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. It wasn’t a lie at all. That’s why she had freaked out. It was just a one-time thing.

              Liam let out a long sigh. “Okay.”

              “And . . . “ she reached out and lightly touched his arm, “can you go in and talk to them for me. Before I go in?”

              He grabbed her hand and kissed it. “Okay, I will.”

              Liam dashed to her door in the rain that was still coming down. But it was lighter now, drumming the windshield in a calming manner. Elsa leaned her forehead against the cool glass, and before she knew it, she had fallen asleep.

              The next thing she knew strong arms were carrying her and then depositing her gently into her own bed. Another set of hands eased her legs under the covers. Then she heard her mother’s voice.

              “I haven’t seen her sleep this soundly since she was a little girl. Should we call a doctor tomorrow?”

              “The paramedic said fatigue was normal after a panic attack,” Liam said, “and he told me she would probably fall deeply asleep.”

              A calloused hand brushed her hair from her face. “Thank you, Liam,” Elsa’s father said, voice thick, “I wish she had called us, but I remember what it’s like to be a teenager. I’m glad she felt she could go to you.”

              “Me too.”

              Elsa heard all of it through a hazy fog. She felt she was falling down a hole, and her parents and Liam were miles away. She tried to open her eyes, lift a hand, speak, but every cell in her body felt heavy with sleep. So the next morning she was sure she had dreamed Liam’s whispered words in her ear and his lips pressed to her forehead.

              “I vow,” he told her, “from this day forward, that no one will ever hurt you again.”

             

             

             

             

             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * What Ryan did in this chapter is NOT okay. It is often a prelude to date rape or is an early warning sign of a controlling or abusive relationship. If you can relate in any way to what happened to Elsa in this story, I encourage you to talk to someone!  
> *The next chapter will be much lighter and fluffier, I promise!


	5. We Were Restless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am finally updating this fic after leaving you all hanging with a very angsty chapter for poor Elsa. To make it up to you, this one is pure fluff. Enjoy! (But don’t get too comfortable, this is only a brief stop on the angst train.)

**October 2002**

Once Elsa outgrew trick or treating, she honestly had never done anything for Halloween. Her church usually had a harvest festival the Saturday closest to Halloween, but on the actual holiday itself she was perfectly content to sit on the couch with a bowl of candy for the trick or treaters. She’d only tried to go to that one party in high school and look how that had gone. So she really didn’t know what Ruby was thinking asking her to come to the party she was throwing at her place. 

“It’s going to be a tame party, I swear,” Ruby told her. “I mean, the hardest thing there’s gonna be is beer. I want all my friends to be there, even my church-going ones. Please?”

Ruby had then pouted with her hands clasped under her chin. Ruby was wild, no question about it, but she was also a good friend who never pressured anyone to be anything other than who they were. She had always respected Elsa’s beliefs and choices. 

“Okay,” she relented, “I’ll come.”

“Yeah!” Ruby squealed, bouncing on her heels. She ran around the diner’s partition into the kitchen and threw her arms around Liam who yelled for her to watch it in front of the grill. “Did you hear that, Superman? She’s going!”

“You know how much I hate that nickname, Ruby.”

She waved Liam off with a laugh. “So what will you two come dressed as?”

“The two of us?” Elsa asked, brow furrowed. 

“You know,” Ruby said quickly, patting Liam on the shoulder, “I’ll let the big guy here fill you in. I’ve got customers.”

In reality there was only one customer in the entire diner on this Tuesday at 2:40 in the afternoon, but Ruby rushed to refill his coffee anyway. Elsa made her way around to Liam who was scrubbing the grill of all the buildup from the lunch rush. He had it turned up as high as it would go to burn off the excess grease which he was scraping off with a spatula. Elsa had heard him warn Ruby, so she stayed back, leaning against the prep table in the center of the kitchen. She crossed her arms, drilling Liam with a pointed look. She noted that his cheeks were flushed, and she didn’t think it was from the task in front of him. Finally, he shut off the grill, wiped his hands clean on a kitchen rag, then turned to her. He reached up and wiped at his forehead with the back of his arm, pushing his baseball cap back farther on his head. His dark blonde curls were damp with perspiration, and something about it combined with the biceps straining at his t-shirt was unfairly attractive. 

“So,” he finally said, fiddling with the rag in his hands, “about the party . . . Ruby says its couples only, so -”

Elsa felt her own cheeks burning now. 

“I figured we’d go together,” he finally managed.

Elsa pressed her lips together, willing herself to not be so sensitive. “Every girl’s dream, Liam Jones,” she finally managed to say, “a pity date.” She had meant it to come out forceful and sarcastic, but instead she sounded like a wounded child. 

Liam groaned and rubbed at his face. “I’m screwing this all up,” he muttered. He tossed the rag aside and stepped closer to her, taking both of her hands in his. Elsa’s face dropped to stare at where his thumbs were rubbing circles on the backs of her hands “Elsa, please go with me to Ruby’s party? I’m not asking you out of pity, and I’m not asking you because Ruby talked me into it-”

Elsa didn’t wait for him to give his reason because she was pretty sure she knew what it was. ‘You’re asking so you can look out for me.”

His blue eyes grew wide, and his lips parted slightly. “No. I’m asking because I want to go with you.” He let out a shaky breath and tugged on her hands until she was bumping against his chest. She had to tip her head back to look into his eyes. They were intense and serious. “I thought about what you said on the beach that day. I think we owe it to each other to see . . . now that we’re older . . . if . . . “

A smile crept across Elsa’s face as he stumbled over his words. She reached her hands up to cup his jaw. “So what you’re saying is . . . you want to take me out on an actual date.”

He smiled back at her, and she ran her thumb up to swipe across his dimple. “Yes, I’m asking you on an actual date. Because I’m attracted to you. There, I said it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, it’s about time.”

They both laughed as he tucked her under his chin and held her close. As usual, his embrace was a heady combination of perfect safety and contentment along with heart-racing desire.

*********************************************

The college drama department had a fundraiser every year allowing people to rent their costumes for a small fee. It was a popular event, and the costumes went fast. After their shift at the diner, Liam took Elsa there to pick out their costumes. Being a classic gentleman, he had paid for them both. 

Elsa was giddy with excitement Halloween night as she admired her reflection in her bedroom mirror. A grumbling Emma had just left the apartment for her shift at the diner. Elsa wasn’t sure what was going on with her and Killian. They had been on one date, which had seemed to leave Emma giddy, but then her cousin had given Killian the cold shoulder after that. Liam said Killian was brooding over it, and Ruby said that both had turned down her invitation to the Halloween party. 

Elsa just rolled her eyes after the door slammed behind Emma. She wasn’t going to let her friends’ romantic drama ruin her first date with Liam. Killian was a master of angst, and Emma was a master at being prickly, so there was little she or Liam could do about it. Tonight was about the two of them and no one else. 

Elsa grabbed the curling iron to fix one more curl around her temple just as the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” Anna yelled. Elsa laughed as she heard her sister accost her boyfriend with a million words at once. She could just imagine Kristoff’s baffled expression. 

Elsa turned off the curling iron, satisfied with her Regency era hairstyle. She was going as Elizabeth Bennet and Liam was her Mister Darcy thanks to the drama department’s production of  _Pride and Prejudice_ last year. She had almost squealed with delight when they had seen it on the rack at the fundraiser. The doorbell rang again, and Elsa smiled at her reflection as she went to get it. Her heart stopped in her chest when she swung the door wide to see Liam standing there in knee high boots, camel colored breeches, and a navy waistcoat. The elaborate cravat at his throat would have looked ridiculous on most men, but on Liam it somehow complimented his curly hair. Elsa stood there, her hand still on the doorknob, speechless. 

“You’re . . . beautiful,” Liam told her, the last word coming out on an exhale of breath. 

Elsa wet her lips. “Th-thank you.”

“I’m not wearing it!” Anna exclaimed loudly behind Elsa, and she and Liam both jumped. She turned to see her sister flinging her Pocahontas wig onto the couch.

“Okay, then don’t wear it,” Kristoff told her, glancing at Elsa and Liam with a pleading look in his eyes. 

“So you do think I look pale!” Anna cried, collapsing onto the couch herself with a pout. 

“I - I didn’t say that, I’m just saying that you’ll look fine either way . . .”

Liam offered Elsa his arm. “I suggest when slip out before we get drawn into this argument,” he told her with a wink. 

“But, they aren’t supposed to be alone in the apartment . . .” Elsa hesitated, glancing back at her sister. 

“Oh please,” Anna huffed, rolling her eyes, “as if Kristoff even wants his girlfriend when she’s pale as a ghost.” 

“I never said that!”

Anna got up and yanked Kristoff by the arm towards the door. “We’re going, purity police. I’ll just braid my hair in the car and be a red headed Pocahontas . . .”

Anna kept mumbling as she dragged Kristoff down the stairs, and Elsa and Liam laughed. Just like a Regency woman would have, Elsa took her escort’s offered arm and let him lead her downstairs.

*******************************************

Ruby hadn’t been downplaying things about her party, it really was a tame affair, especially for her. The only alcohol was beer, and Elsa saw several of her friends from church. Music was playing, and Ruby’s living room furniture had been pushed back for dancing, but only a few were doing so. Ruby’s place wasn’t that big, and it was almost wall to wall people. 

Ruby had, however, fibbed to Liam about it being a couple’s party. Plenty of people where there without dates, including Ruby herself. She and Liam rolled their eyes at her Cupid costume, but neither of them were honestly that upset. As a matter of fact, Elsa was ready to thank her profusely. 

They headed to the kitchen first to get some simple finger food and a couple of sodas. Liam, ever the gentleman, insisted on carrying it all for her. She laughed, reminding him that she had been a waitress for two years now and was perfectly capable of balancing one plate and a can of soda. 

“But you’re not working tonight,” he replied with a soft smile, “and this is a date. Let me spoil you a little, okay?” 

She bit her lower lip as her eyes lowered bashfully, and heat flooded through her at the look in his eyes. She kept expecting to wake up and all of this be a wonderful dream. They sat down on Ruby’s sofa to eat their food and fell into easy conversation as they always had. That feeling of complete ease with him was still there, yet every brush of his thigh against hers, every casual touch of his hand felt like a jolt of electricity. A slow song began to play over Ruby’s sound system, and Elsa closed her eyes. 

“I love this song,” she said.

When she opened her eyes, Liam was standing there, his palm stretched out to her, just as if they were at a country dance in a Jane Austen novel. She smiled shyly again as she took his hand and let him lead her to the middle of the room. No one else was dancing at the moment, and it made Elsa feel a little silly. She ducked her head and pressed her flushed face against Liam’s shoulder. The song was “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias, and she couldn’t help thinking how perfectly the lyrics described the strong and noble man who held her in his arms. They swayed slowly, she pressed into that perfect spot against him, he with his cheek against her temple. 

“I’m not a very good dancer,” he apologized.

“You’re doing fine,” she told him breathlessly, her lips pressed to his collar bone. 

She felt him swallow and clench his hand a bit against her waist. “Yeah, but you were a dancer and a cheerleader.”

Elsa pulled back a bit so she could look up into his face. “Yeah, but that’s choreography. Just free dancing at a party is different. I’ve always been a little self-conscious about that kind of dancing.

Liam’s lips quirked up at the corner. “Well, you’re good at it even if you don’t know it. You remember that youth group bonfire when you were . . . 15? Yeah, and I was 17.”

Elsa tilted her head, thinking. “I guess . . . what about it?”

He grinned more broadly. “You and your friends were dancing to some ridiculous boy band song or something.”

“I have  _never_ been into boy bands,” she protested with a tilt of her chin.

“Well, you were dancing to it,” Liam laughed, “and you were laughing, and so happy . . .” he trailed off, then lightly brushed her cheek with his fingertips, “you had been so sad for so long, that I just couldn’t stop watching you.”

A look crossed his face as if her regretted what he’d just hinted at, but it quickly faded when Elsa wrapped her arms around his neck. “Really?” she asked, surprised and pleased with the flirtatious tone of her voice.

“Yes, really.”

“Just because I was happy? That’s why you couldn’t stop watching me?” 

His eyes widened slightly, and he blinked as if slightly surprised at her coquettish inquiry. “I, um . . . “he stuttered, “well . . . “ a spark finally filled his eyes, and he gave her a roguish grin. “It might have been the way you moved too. Like I said, you can dance.”

She was elated at the admission and was sad when the song ended. She told Liam she was thirsty, and he ran to get her another drink. They resumed their seat on the sofa, inching ever closer to one another until Elsa was practically in his lap. She thought vaguely that they should probably go talk to some of their other friends, hang out with Ruby a bit perhaps, but as Liam bent close to whisper in her ear, she couldn’t make herself care about anything but him.

“Could we be alone for a minute?”

His breath left goosebumps along the skin of her neck, and when she turned her head, their noses almost brushed. He searched her face, his expression tender. 

“Just out on Ruby’s balcony or something,” he assured her, and she almost melted. He knew her so well. 

She could only nod as he rose and helped her up. When he turned to weave through the crowd towards the sliding glass doors, he kept her hand clasped tightly in his. The air outside was brisk against her bare arms, but her heart pumped blood so fast through her veins, that the cold didn’t bother her. It was so quiet compared to the party that she could hear the wind rustle the trees. There was one dim light illuminating the small second floor balcony, and the only décor was a small plastic table and two tiny folding chairs. Liam tugged her hand gently to come stand beside him at the railing. When she came close, he enfolded her in his arms. 

She breathed him in, the smell of Old Spice still just as strong as when she was 16. He no longer smelled of chlorine or the ocean, since he no longer had time for those pursuits, but there was something else mixed with his cologne that made her feel safe and strong. Like the smell of pine and smoke at those old youth group bonfires. He held her tenderly, one hand cupping her head, the other rubbing her back in comforting circles. His face was buried in her hair, and between that and his fingers tangling in her blonde locks, he was completely messing up her regency hairstyle. Not that she cared. 

His nose moved from her hair to brush against her jaw, and Elsa heard her breath hitch. Then he pressed a long, lingering kiss to her cheek. His lips felt soft and slightly damp. When they left her cheek, he brushed her nose with his, his lips achingly close to hers, but he moved to the other cheek and pressed another slow kiss there. Then he brushed his lips against her nose, pressed another kiss to her forehead, then drifted down to ghost his lips against her chin. With every touch, she was trembling in his arms. 

“Can I kiss you?” he breathed against her lips. 

It was the most romantic moment of her life.

“Yes,” she practically gasped, her knees now completely weak. He pressed his lips to hers, cupping her face tenderly in his hands. She opened her mouth for him as she tilted her head, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against him. When he pulled away, she almost whimpered. 

“Elsa,” he said raggedly, pressing his forehead to hers, his eyes still closed. 

“I . . . haven’t kissed many guys,” she stuttered, suddenly worried that maybe she hadn’t done it right. “Am I bad at it?”

He chuckled lightly as he opened his eyes, piercing her with his gaze. “No, you are actually an amazing kisser, Elsa Arendelle.”

She frowned. “Are you sure? Because maybe you’re just -”

He cut her off by capturing her mouth with his again, and this time she kissed him back more aggressively, grabbing the hair at the base of his skull. They parted several times only to dive back in for more until they were both breathless with swollen lips. 

“I am one hundred percent sure,” Liam panted. “Best girl I ever kissed.”

She pulled back from him, letting out a huff of breath. “And just how many girls have you kissed, Liam Jones?”

He grinned sheepishly, and she smacked him with the back of her hand. She knew he’d dated a lot, and must have kissed plenty of girls, but she didn’t exactly want to talk about that right now. It had been hard enough standing by and watching it happen during her painful adolescence. 

He seemed to sense her insecurity and pulled her close again. “Believe me when I say that no one has ever affected me this way.” A slight shudder went through him. “We’re going to do this, right? Date?”

She turned her face to bury it in his shoulder again. “Yes?”

He gently put his fingers beneath her chin and forced her to look at him. “I can tell people that Elsa Arendelle is my girlfriend?” 

“ _Girlfriend_? Or friend who happens to be a girl?”

“The first. Because that way I get to kiss you all the time.”

She fiddled with his curls again. “I like the sound of that.”

**************************************************

When they went back inside, the party was awkwardly silent except for Killian and Emma, who were having a loud argument in front of everyone. Elsa’s eyes widened; she hadn’t even seen them arrive. 

“Now what,” Liam groaned in his classic,  _what has my brother done now? t_ one.

“Oh, Emma’s just succeeded in her plans to make him jealous,” Anna told them as she and Kristoff joined them. She did a double take as she looked at Elsa. “What have you two been doing?”

Elsa felt herself blush immediately. “We just went outside for some air.”

“You mean like they’re getting air,” Kristoff said, pointing to the balcony that Emma and Killian had just stormed out to. Through the blinds, they could see the two of them shouting at each other, then Emma grabbed Killian by the collar of his pirate costume and crashed her lips into his.

“Okay, then,” Liam said, quickly averting his eyes as his brother started sucking Emma’s face. 

Anna giggled behind her hand. Then her scrutiny fell on her sister again. “Um, Elsa, what in the world happened to your hair?”

“I . . .  um, it was windy,” Elsa muttered, patting it with her hand. 

Anna raised an eyebrow as she gave her a knowing grin. “Uh huh, sure it was. Gale force winds, apparently.”

“Is it that bad?” Elsa whispered as she leaned closer to her sister.

Anna whispered right in her ear, “If you’re asking if you have make-out hair, then yes.”

“We weren’t making out!” Elsa protested under her breath as her face flamed. 

“I uh, was about to get Elsa’s coat and take her home,” Liam said, stepping close to put his arm around his girlfriend. God, Elsa loved the sound of that!

“You know,” Kristoff said, crossing his arms and tilting his head, “I don’t think the two of you understand the point of a party. You haven’t spoken to anyone here, not even us, all evening.”

Liam locked his eyes on Elsa, desire still sparking in them. “Sorry, but I really don’t care.”


	6. I'm Trying to Get to Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll go ahead and warn you: Liam is a jerk in this chapter. But, I loved writing the beginning of Elsa and Emma’s friendship in this. Also keep in mind please how young everyone is at this point in the story. Liam is 18, Elsa and Killian are 16, Emma JUST turned 15, and Anna is only 14. Don’t expect them to make wise decisions or have an accurate assessment of life. If there’s one thing I wish I had known at 16 it’s this: don’t take advice from your friends who are equally as dumb as you are.

_November, 1998_

The wind whipped tendrils of Elsa’s hair free from the wool hat she had shoved down on her head, and the cold of the ground beneath her seeped right through her layers of clothes. Her fingers were numb, but she couldn’t hit the button on her camera with her mittens on. Something nudged her thigh, and she yelped.  Her heart raced until she saw Liam silhouetted in front of the November sun.  

“God, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” she gasped, pressing her camera to her chest.  

He just chuckled. “Well, what are you doing lying on the ground?” 

She gestured at the gorgeous reds of the maple tree she was sprawled under. “I love this tree, and I was trying to capture it.” 

He reached down to offer his hand and help her up. “Awfully cold out for photography.” 

“Yeah,” Elsa replied with a shiver, “but the sun’s perfect.” She brushed leaves from her jeans and shoved her hands back into her mittens.  

“You seem to always have a camera with you lately.” 

She shrugged as she looked down at the small 35 mm camera in her hands. It had only cost her thirty bucks at the same retail store where her mom bought toilet paper.  

“I’m tinkering with it. What brings you over here? Aren’t you supposed to be helping your Mom bake pies all day?” 

He grinned. “She does go overboard with the baking. Maybe it makes her feel more American or something.” 

“The Pilgrims were actually British, so . . . “ 

He laughed at her corny joke, and she smiled broadly to see the sparkle in his eyes. “Honestly, I just wanted to share the exciting news. I got a job off campus!” 

Liam had been making practically nothing at the college cafeteria, so she knew how much this meant to him.  

“That’s great, where?” 

“Granny’s, and I have you to thank for it.” He nudged her with his shoulder. “I said I was friends with you, and it was like I had an endorsement from the mayor herself.” 

“I think Granny is just excited that Ruby has a friend who is . . . ,“ she trailed off, choosing her words carefully, “stable.” 

“Elsa,” her mother called from the front porch, “I need you to change the sheets on the guest bed for your aunt.” 

“Okay, Mom!” Elsa called back. She turned again to Liam. “I’m really happy for you and your new job,.” 

He nodded. “Have fun with your aunt.” 

“I’m meeting my new cousin too.” 

Liam’s eyes widened. “The one she just adopted?”  

“Yeah. Her name’s Emma, and she’s fifteen.” 

Liam’s eyes narrowed. “Dad told me. Just be careful, okay?” 

“What’s that supposed to me?” 

“Well, I mean, that’s a long time to go without parents to guide you. Dad says she might, you know, have been exposed to things. Or have emotional problems.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You’re just such a . . . a, um . . . “ 

Elsa crossed her arms and scowled openly. “Such a what?” 

“You know . . . you’re . . . a bit naïve.” 

Elsa blinked, her throat tightening. She remembered Derek’s words that night in his car, and she took a step back. “I can’t believe you! Why would you -” 

“Oh God, Elsa I didn’t mean it that way!” He reached out and touched her arm lightly, but she jerked it away. “I just meant that you’re a sweet girl, a  _good_  girl, and I would hate to see you -” 

“Corrupted by my worldly cousin?” Elsa snapped. Her eyes were wet now with unshed tears. “I think you should go, Liam, before you put your foot further in your mouth.” 

She turned then and stomped away from him across the yard, her blood boiling. Killian was always complaining about his brother being a bit self-righteous, but until this moment, she had never seen it for herself. She didn’t so much as glance back as she came inside and shut the door behind her. Her hands shook as she collected sheets and blankets from the hall closet, and her mind reeled as she made her way into the guest bedroom. By the time she was pulling the fitted sheet over the mattress, her breath was coming in gasps. She let go of the corner she was working on and leaned over the bed to catch her breath.  

_You're a good girl . . . a good girl . . . a good girl._  

She slid to the floor as the room spun.  

***************************************************** 

When you’ve been called cold, distant, and a snob just because you’re reserved, it makes you a little more understanding when meeting new people. Her first impression of her cousin was that Emma didn’t even want to be there. She avoided eye contact, mumbled one-word answers to Elsa’s parents, and slouched in a bored sort of way. And yet Elsa’s mother had told her that this was Emma’s first Thanksgiving with a real family. Elsa had a feeling the girl was more overwhelmed and nervous than anything. Her pissed off façade reminded Elsa a lot of Killian’s bad boy routine at school.  

“Girls, why don’t you two show Emma where she’ll be sleeping?” 

Elsa wanted to groan at her mother’s tone of voice. It was that cheery, slightly condescending one that she used to use when they were little and she would force them to introduce themselves to new kids at church. Nevertheless, she and Anna led Emma up the stairs while the adults gathered around the living room to chat. Anna bounced ahead, chattering a mile a minute like she always did.  

“I’m so excited to have a cousin, especially a girl the exact same age as me. Mom said you’re a freshman too.  I mean, I guess not the  _exact_ same age, unless your birthday’s in June. Is it in June? Because that would be crazy wouldn’t it? Like the  _Parent Trap_ , only obviously we’re not twins. So when is it?” 

“Huh?” Emma blinked, making Elsa laugh. 

“Excuse my sister, she has no filter.” 

Emma managed a half smile – the first one since she arrived. “Um, if you mean my birthday, it’s in October.”  

“Well, happy belated birthday!” Anna threw open Elsa’s door. “So this is where you’ll be sleeping. I wanted you to crash with me, but Elsa’s room is bigger, and I’ve only got a daybed and she’s got a full. I mean, I’ve been begging my parents to update my room. A daybed and all white furniture is so babyish, don’t you think?” 

Emma said nothing. She tossed her duffel on the floor at the foot of Elsa’s bed and flung herself backwards onto the sky-blue comforter. “I dunno. A bed’s a bed, right?” 

Did Emma mean she had lived places where she had no bed? Elsa glared at her sister and nudged her in the ribs.  

“Ow! What was that for?” Anna cried out.  

Elsa narrowed her eyes even more as her pale cheeks turned red. “Shut up,” she hissed. 

Emma laughed. “I used to think I wanted a sister, but maybe I dodged a bullet.” 

“Oh believe me, you did,” Anna said, shoving Elsa in the shoulder, “you don’t want someone pointing out your every mistake morning, noon, and night.” 

Elsa opened her mouth to protest, but before a sound could come out, a car honked just outside the bedroom window. “Who in the world . . .”  

Anna’s face, however, brightened and she dashed to the window, opened it, and leaned out.  

“Get out here, Anna!” Milah cried. “There’s a club in Woodbury that doesn’t check IDs.” 

Elsa frowned as she heard whooping and another honk of the horn. She leaned over her sister’s shoulder to see Killian driving the beat up, 89 Plymouth Acclaim he had bought with money he made working at the shipyard last summer. Milah was in his lap so she could call out to Anna through the driver’s side window. Hans was hanging out the backseat window, and she noticed her sister’s wide eyes and flushed cheeks when she noticed him.  

“Yeah, Anna,” Hans added, “one of my brothers is in a bad that’s playing there tonight. They’re gonna get us in.” 

“Be right down!” Anna yelled. She started to come back inside, but then leaned back to call down to her friends. “Drive down the block and I’ll meet you there.” 

“The precious princess not allowed out of her tower?” Killian teased.  

“Shut up,” Anna yelled back, and her friends laughed as Killian peeled off down the street.  

“You can’t go, Anna! Mom and Dad want us to spend time as a family,” Elsa said as soon as her sister shut the window.  

“Please,” Anna argued, “Thanksgiving isn’t until tomorrow. Although I can’t go dressed like this . . . “ 

She made her way through the Jack and Jill bath that connected her room to Elsa’s.  

“So are you gonna tell Mom and Dad where you’re going?” Elsa asked as she trailed after her sister. Though since Killian was basically hiding the car a block away, she doubted it.  

“Are you serious?” Anna snorted, tossing a few shirts onto her bed. “They would hear the word  _club_ and immediately say no.” 

“And they should! You’re fourteen!” 

“Hans’ brother will be there.” 

“I don’t trust  _Hans_.” 

Anna rolled her eyes. “Okay, Killian will be there.” 

Elsa let out a long angry breath as she crossed her arms over her chest. Anna turned towards her mirror with two shirts held up beneath her chin. Both were spaghetti strap tank tops that Anna must have purchased on one of her shopping trips with Milah because there mother never in a million years would have bought them.  

“What are you wearing with the top?” another voice asked, and both sisters startled to see Emma standing in the bathroom doorway.  

Anna grinned. “My long black stretchy skirt.” 

“Then I’d wear the red lacy tank. If someone spills a drink on you, you’ll regret wearing the white one.” 

Anna’s face lit up. “I never would have thought of that! Thanks!” 

Elsa pressed her lips together in frustration. Was she the only one here who was using her brain?  

Anna stepped out of her jeans, completely without shame in front of her new cousin. “You know,” she said as she pulled her t-shirt over her head, “my friends wouldn’t mind if you came with us.” 

Emma shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and rocked on her heels. “No thanks. Been there, done that. Just hope this Killian guy can be trusted. There’ll be older guys sniffing around you, and I don’t mean eighteen and nineteen year olds.” 

Elsa blanched, but Anna actually squealed. “Really?” She plopped down in front of her vanity and started brushing her hair. The light shone off it as her auburn waves fell softly around her shoulders. Elsa had always been envious of that hair.  

“I’m serious,” Emma said. 

“Don’t worry,” Elsa assured her, “Killian won’t let anyone bother her.” 

Anna touched up her face powder, applied eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick, then jumped up to grab a pair of strappy heels. “Don’t wait up!”  

“It’s cold out, don’t you need a -” the door slammed behind her sister, “coat.” Elsa felt herself deflate even as worry gnawed at her gut. She turned to her cousin. “Do you think she’ll be okay?” 

Emma shrugged. “No offense, but she does seem a little naïve. Do you really trust this friend of yours? The guy – what was his name?” 

“Killian? Yeah, I do. He and his brother grew up with us.” 

Emma nodded, but before she could say anything else, Emma’s mother appeared in the doorway.  

“Girls, I was wondering if you -” her mother broke off, eyes darting around the room. “Where’s Anna?” 

Elsa wavered for only a moment. Anna hadn’t asked her to lie for her . . . “She went somewhere with her friends.” 

Her mother’s face fell. “Without asking us first?” she sighed in that way she did often lately over Anna. “Well, I’ll deal with her when she gets home. Can you and Emma go pick up some pizza for dinner? The last thing I want to do is cook the night before Thanksgiving.” 

“Sure Mom,” Elsa agree, taking the credit card her mother handed her. “Do you mind?” she asked Emma. 

“No, course not.” 

Something about the way Emma smiled at her in that moment made Elsa think that maybe, just maybe, she’d found another unlikely kindred spirit.  

****************************************************** 

Somewhere between the car ride to the pizza place and the informal family dinner, Emma had begun to relax. They were back in Elsa’s room now, in their pajamas and giving each other those stupid quizzes in Elsa’s stack of teen magazines.  

“I can’t believe that woman at the pizza place thought we were sisters,” Emma said, tossing aside the magazine that had just informed them that when it came to social situations, Emma was “prickly as a porcupine” and Elsa was “icy as an icicle.” 

 Emma turned to her with a grin, the force of it crinkling her cheeks and scrunching her nose. It seemed the thought of a family resemblance had tickled her. She cocked her head to the side, her gaze taking in Elsa from the top of her head all the way to her feet.  “Actually, I can see it.” 

Then the other blonde tugged Elsa up from her seat on the bed and pulled her over to the full- length mirror. She took Elsa by the shoulders and turned her to face the mirror, standing just behind her. Emma leaned over her right shoulder so their faces were side by side.  

“Look,” Emma told her, pushing both of them until their noses practically bumped the glass.  

Elsa did. They obviously shared the same blonde hair, but now she could see they both had the same nose. The funny thing was, the same nose she always complained of being “pug like” on her own face looked cute on Emma’s. Maybe her sister had been right all those times she told her she envied her “button nose.”  

She looked closer. Though Emma had a light dusting of freckles, they both shared the same fair complexion. Though their eyes were different colors, they were both very light and similarly shaped, and their cheekbones were almost identical. In a lot of ways, they looked more like sisters than her and Anna. 

Elsa smiled. “I see it!” 

Emma laughed, resting her chin on Elsa’s shoulder. “I wish I had your curves, though.” 

Elsa frowned. “You mean big hips and a huge butt?” 

“You’re crazy! What are you, a size six? Besides, you have the figure all the guys want. Curves and breasts. I’m an A cup!” 

Emma flounced back onto the bed, hugging a pillow to her stomach. Elsa laughed as she plopped down next to her. “You sound like Anna. Believe me, though, getting attention for your body isn’t always good.” 

Emma blushed as she picked at the fringe on the pillow. “You’re sixteen already, so . . . is it true that all guys need is a handful?” 

Elsa’s face turned crimson. She suddenly felt very nervous. “Is that what they say?’ she squeaked. 

“Yeah,” she said softly, and the slight sadness in her voice caused Elsa to roll over to face her. She propped her head on her hand and looked down into Emma’s face. The younger girl stared up at the ceiling. “I know what you mean about getting attention for your body. A guy tried for a handful once. I had to shove him off me.” 

Elsa took a deep breath before finally admitting in a voice not much above a whisper. “Yeah, I’ve had that happen too.” 

Emma’s eyes grew wider at her words, almost as if they had given her strength. “Really?” 

Elsa nodded, picking at a strand of thread on her bedspread. They were both silent a long time.  

“Guys are just like that, I guess,” Emma finally said. “I mean, Ingrid tried to tell me, but I thought this guy was sooo sweet and cute. I was so wrong.” 

Emma let out a deep sigh and sat up cross legged on the bed. Elsa did the same and turned to face her, pulling another pillow into her lap.  

“Yeah, in my case, I’d had a crush on him for the longest time. He was older.” 

Emma nodded, and Elsa thought how she seemed so much older than fifteen. “So was this guy. It happened in his car.” 

Elsa’s eyes grew large. “Same with me! Then what happened?” 

Emma shrugged. “I pushed him off, he yelled at me, but I just yelled back. So he took me home.” She rolled her eyes and added, “Instead of to the dance we were supposed to go to.” 

Elsa’s mind went back to the feeling of being pinned against the door. Of her cries of, “no, stop!” being ignored. Her chest tightened, and she rubbed at the spot.  

“Like I said,” Emma continued, “it’s what all guys want. That’s why I’m not dating anymore. Until I graduate, anyway.” 

Elsa opened her mouth to say something, but she heard her mother calling. 

“Girls, want some ice cream?” 

“Awesome!” Emma cheered, tossing the pillow aside and jumping from the bed.  

Elsa jumped up too, but the tightness in her chest had spread. She saw spots swim before her vision, and she shook her head to clear them. “Emma, wait!” 

Her cousin paused in the doorway, an expectant expression on her face. Elsa swallowed a lump in her throat, then spoke in a strained whisper. “Please don’t tell anyone about . . . the guy grabbing me. Not even my sister? Please?” 

Emma nodded, her eyes glistening with understanding. “Sure,” she told Elsa as she grabbed her hand. She gave it a squeeze, then grinned. “Now come on,  _cousin_ , I want some of that ice cream!” 

Elsa felt herself gasping for breath as Emma pulled her along, and when they got downstairs, she quickly ducked into the half bathroom. It took several long breaths as she hunched over the sink before she was calm enough to join her cousin, mother, and aunt in the kitchen. As she smiled and chatted with the women of her family around the kitchen island, no one seemed to notice that she was wrestling with the panic always crawling inside her. It was as if Emma’s words had awakened a hungry beast.  

_It’s what all guys want_  

   
 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will make it up to you with some romantic Frozen Jewel and maybe some passionate kissing ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Just like GBtBR, this story will be told in two different timelines simultaneously. However, this will tell the story of what happened when Elsa, Liam, Killian, Anna, and Kristoff were all in high school together.


End file.
